Gamer Grunt: Perfect Marks Syndrome

As of late, my favourite source in checking the go of many games for a good source of interest and satisfaction knowing that both men and women gamers around the world would not be sold out by the great hype surrounding game titles.

So far this year, that same very source goes around and gives a few games the near impossible marks of perfects when that clearly was not the case, testing out games for every aspect of fun and getting it to run rigorous work out to prove its worth for them to make sure that it is tried and tested to give you the 100% satisfaction you so do want from the game, rubber stamping its authenticity as being worthy for your attention. Thanks to the mongering idiots, it seems like they are being paid off senselessly sending them showers of gifts to give the rubber stamp of Perfect 10s across the board!

I’m no brain surgeon, but isn’t the whole point of a rating system is to make sure that it would become the stuff of legends and something that the world shouldn’t ever miss out of playing, then maybe consider giving Perfect 10s, yet there are clear problems within games, yet, those flaws are blatantly thrown out of the Unbiased and unpaid window into the realms of Bribery haven for the sadden Ole folks that it known as the corruption police.

What in the world would of made 2-4 certain titles to earn the absolute impossible score of 100% marks, when none of the titles pre-”era-ol’-Perfectness” better than those which some have known to be the games which made up stand up and gain our attention?

These titles which are in question:
– Grand Theft Auto 4
– Metal Gear Solid 4
– Super Smash Brothers Brawl

That’s just about one for every system excluding the PC.

These games are suppose to keep you hooked on playing for hours without you ever realising that you even took that long and gets so immersed in a game that you quit playing until you see the sun rises (other way round for goths, emos and night people).

In SSBB, after about 2 hours of playing it, I got bored and wanted to do something else… that’s even to do with Multiplayer. I enjoyed it, yet it isn’t the simplicity of the game, nor it being the only thing I was to play, yet simply, the fact that some of the maps were so annoying that some of the characters would look like specks of pixels on a small TV, if given that might happen, then comes some of the insane power-ups and AI. Some power ups such as the targeting thingy, it forces people to chase to gain an upper-hand advantage and even if you aren’t interested, you still have to chase it to prevent players from using it. The Final Smash becomes ultimately annoying if you had to deal with a character which can go psycho with it and just completely just annoy every single character in the game, one being Sonic. The AI always react to certain cycle of movements, attacks and combos that even with some main obstructions within the game, keeps using it and doesn’t react like normal people would.

GTA 4, I believe it is still linear even though it is classed as a free world environment; yet, players are required to complete the first lousy mission to be allowed to cause some interesting havoc within the game. Next cause of concern in the game is being a dedicated driver and chauffeuring people from point A to point B and maybe a small little point C then maybe back to point A then point B and to add insult to misery, you are being chased from point B back to point A using the guy that’s tailing you. Doesn’t the game just sound fun?

And the latest one, MGS4… Sorry, but I ain’t touched the game, but having told about the end result even before the release of the game to shut people up… well… Yahtzee did complain about the game being a little rather on the side of long and boring in terms of the time it takes to reach the first enemy in the game.

This begs the question of whether the people thought out the entire game properly or Yahtzee is actually bad at computer games or both…. but back on topic… What I just mentioned aren’t minor or unmissable flaws or unnoticed is a short space of time… unless the time to review those games are sinking making them reflect on just what they can see out of a game and can’t fully review a game.

Perhaps the next time someone is to review a game, make them play it for a solid week and then get a verdict outta them since there are some old games out there which is actually still known and loved by gamers really passionate with those titles.

What makes a game so perfect that no minor flaws are really counted? How about a nicely designed shirt with a big fat hole right in the middle of it. Can you still call it designer shotgun fashion?

If something is perfect, use a hammer

Gamer Grunt: Power Box run down

After a good extensive year to test out the beasts of the consoles, we can actually point the finger of agony, despair, happiness, exciting and many more emotions dragged all into one. Just a little more over a year (for Australia at least), we see very clear results from this generation (seventh if anyone’s keeping track) what trends have emerge from ongoing fight for superiority in the gaming field.

Before I go into my normal routine of slamming, blamming and name branding… I think it is about high time I were to start award consoles for once but this ain’t as simple as a yay awards for all recipients since I’m really not known for being nice.

But I’d like to start out with a good intro with all of the contestants and handhelds will be left out of the race as the winner is already triple upper leg on the loser or more… hell, maybe it was actually the multiplication of the the number of serviceman in the US Marine Corp against the little loser, but hell, first off the block, we have…

=== Playstation 3 ===
The heavy weight of all the contestants, able to chug more power than all the people in Africa but with an IQ higher than playing with the console multiplied at least the number of sides of The Pentagon building. This Black beast comes in the brutest of all colours and even goes retro by copying the colour from the first releases of the Fold Model T!

Not only is it smarter than the average brainwave activities of its players, but they also can play Blu-Ray Movies and Games!
(Okay, I haven’t personally checked out the difference, but if I were to compare DVD quality porno and Blu-Ray [I honestly couldn't give a toot if I were to compare them] quality ones, I believe the proof with be with the money shots [No pun intended]. But really now… if it is like comparing a B-Grade film with an A-Grade film, it all comes down if I can really give a giant hoot if I were to watch either one of them in the first place)

The menu system is 100% direct copy of the PSP with 100% of the stuffiness multiplied with the number of IQ questions in a book to achieve at least a score of 200. Though it is a customisable quest to change the colour of the Playstation 3 menu decor, it is considerably lacking in the number of times it is actually used in the first place.

With games taking more longer than the time to actually earn enough money to buy the system on minimum wage with less than half the quality in terms of fun and quality titles with the chance of a A+++ title now occurring about the same as playing dart blindfolded with an always moving dart board and trying to hit the bullseye at the same time.

The controller is based on the ancient make with less of a strangulation device, but now comes with a more portable strangulation device to sync the dual pointed stars with the console but to outnumber those stars to strangulation devices will create further woes as to trying to hook everyone but at least there’s no more hassle of those useless multitaps for some 4 way action.
With Round 1 of those throwing stars refusing to add a bit more weight and wiliness to get rid of a strangler, Round 2 told all people the impervious and gained that extra weight for more plushy and rumbly action for all to enjoy. And both rounds involved the near to useless motion sensitive idea of sixaxis, having no titles to deem the technology one bit useful. (I have a good idea for a good game using it but I ain’t saying it here)

=== Wii ===
The butt end of all toilet jokes and thought to be conspired for a complete downfall of all that once made the makers but this light weight lil pocket o’ terror of a console is not only the cheapest, affordable by so many, interesting and cheaper to run than trying to maintain a super model, that this lil pocket rocket is more popular than rich people multiplied out by the number of people which has shagged Paris Hilton.

Main reason for this pocket rocket to be so cheap to run than a super model is due to many important facts.
1) There are no BS additional useless goodies which no one would be bothered to really use
2) Dedicated to one main thing, to play games!
3) No BS = less powerful chip, which leads to cheaper running costs

The killing device of choice sometimes has a problem with on screen accuracy and would lead to sudden stutter with more injuries than random anger missiles aimed for everywhere to only then headshot yourself into hospital for the random case of stupidity, giving everyone the clear chance to actually go stupid and waggle yourself into more awkward positions than what karma sutra can suggest. But quite literally, you’ll end up wondering the possibilities about the controller vs game with the added question of outsmarting the developers in stupid and crazy stunt in the name of fun.

No way to play DVD movies makes this device purely for games and games it shall be. With many titles from the other two competitors scared buggered bout the power of the toilet, they are now self flushing their heads in the toilet joke and making something rather indecent array of titles just to make a quick buck in terms of entertainment value. So rather than entertaining people with just game titles and humiliate themselves of everyone without even noticing, there’s the sudden change in wind and now it is the creation of new ways to play from steering some cheap platic wheel, to pretending to actually own an MP5 submachine gun to the sinisterly blind health guru, known as the Wii Fit.

With a No BS approach to this system, the toilet joke of the generation really has a problem with being picked off for bad things, but being able to pick up chicks with it, 100% pure gold and everyone’s best mate, but clearly, not at weddings. Though, demanding games can’t be played on the system, though, it isn’t always about power as the toilet joke has shown everyone.

=== Xbox 360 ===
As Yahtzee has stated, the Frat boy’s best friend besides booze, booze, booze, more booze and digging up free roots (from both gender may I add). The earliest arriver of the current gen, but now, also known as the oldy of the consoles.

Internally, it boasts a better play stability than what the fat black box can ever do with more prettier colours to boot. Even though you can do more such as make faces in the wind of a picture taker for lasting memories, type swear words into the system quicker than an “aim and pecker” can ever do with a simple menu with many bulls to cut, really makes things a little more simpler. Though the highway robbery of the funtastic value is badly robbed, is almost a not so fun venture to actually take up.
Main gripe of the entire box is more to the fact that it would live up to the controversial ad bout the baby popping up then just lands into the grave. Just as that speed shows, that just speaks about the truth from being healthy to the bricked status of being an expensive paper weight.

The games are rather more decent than expected than what is actually expected in this gen and that maybe of the games seem rather more of a fun run than trying to run from the cops because someone ratted you as being foul when you are actually not. With so many interesting titles, releases being very constant with a good fun to crappiness ratio better than most other console, this is the surprise pack mule of them all.

This is the only console which actually has real colour changing values from standard white to Model T Black to Spartan Green to whatever else they are going to come up with. Though, the additional goodie of a movie enhancing device known as the optional HHDDVVDDBVD device, which oddly, has lost the all important war of cheap DVD next gens.

The odd four pointed star, also known as the controller, has not motion device attached to it unlike the other two contestants, but allows you to change the batteries and allows you to buy the optional battery and charger if you really care about the environment and hate running to the store for a fresh set of batteries since it crapped itself too quickly. Buttons are near to the old style, aka version two to the Xbox controllers and not the fat stubby ones.

Not always a favourite among both sexes, this does play quite well in the face of adversity and a steep upward fight.

=== Awards ===

To avoid giving out pointlessly obvious awards, I’ll just brand out my awards of the less known types.

FBI’s Most wanted – The award is given to the console which is not actually used for what it was intended to do, but is actually used by non gamers. This award goes to… Playstation 3!
With Government officials and researchers bagging so many of these machines, sales have gone through the roof yet… no games are actually being played on it.

The Superman 64 – Known as the crappiest game known to man… even…. and doesn’t even deserve the word “man” in the title either… this is rather a delicate award for the console with a horrible game selection. This award goes to…. Playstation 3!
The games just takes far too long with the quality not as good as the others, beside the Wii of course, but at least you’ll have fun with the Wii

The Golden Brick – You can maybe guess what a bricked system means, so this is a no brainer of an award… with this award going to the Xbox 360
The most hated Red Ring of Death, gives owners both sadness and rage, truly owns the award for bricking better than anything

LSD Not need Apply – With so many pretty colours on the screen with a absolute joy to observe with the use of illegal substance than what is glistening in your eyes to give you a high in enjoyment, this award is given to the Wii!
not needing to go 100% real in detail, use of bright joyful colours in the system give this bugger the edge in highness in your cornea.

Nerd Fun – not actually do to with the intelligence of the machine but something which nerds might go back to time after time after time again without ever thinking about it. With all three system in the running with Xbox 360 for the games, PS3 being a really high tech gizmo (soon maybe paper weight) and the Wii for game play madness… This award goes to the Wii
Not only does the wii have the weird toilet joke, but the Wii Fir will keep nerds fit and maybe stronger (watch out! XD)

Golden Pint – so simple of a console that even a really bad drunkard would understand without shame of a simple screw up in playing the device. Maybe even would need to test it out when they one day may soon get drunk. This award goes to… The Wii
With such a wide margin for error in the device, no matter how drunk the person is.. the main risk is for the TV to be broken

Biggest U’ey – for the company being forced to eat their own words due to their outrages. Honestly, it would seem like there are only two contestants this time, the Xbox 360 for extending their warranty for three years and the Playstation 3 for their controller. The winner is… Playstation 3.
Honestly, declaring that there wouldn’t be any rumble for the Playstation 3 due to a big fat law suit against them was creating question marks in terms of if it was ever to come out, but the loyalists all knew it was going to happen one day.

WTF?!? – Given for the weirdest game titles for the system. This may not always be the best of things, but sometimes does raise question about where the hell the whole thing is going but hell, sometimes it is actually too funny to not pass up playing. With this award being given to the Wii.
Since when wasn’t Rayman Raving Rabbids not actually funny and addictive to actually mimic? *Buaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!*

Righty O, I might as well wrap this one up and call it a day (or a week to some people)… Play it safe and watch out for the injury bug!

To go over 100% in anything refers to yourself being the sitting duck

Gamer Grunt: Daily Gaming News Today!

Terrorist have made a postapocalyptic picture of Washington DC, leading analysts have gave their verdict and have replied by saying “all j0o p33pS r scr00geD!Run f3r ur lives with ur kittens!!”
In other news today, the same image has been revealed to be concept art for an upcoming title due in the near future… And did I forget to mention that it was made into news and then scrapped about a few minutes later after finding out that a well detailed concept art about a terrorism picture is in fact a detailed concept art about a postapocalyptic Washington DC. What makes it weird was the fact that the journ-os picked it up and made stupid and weird sense of it all and titled it however they so wanted.
What next? Are we to see that it is all a pityful very very late April Fools joke or what not? But then again, there have been so much outrage with some of the games and the company, yet, why hasn’t there been an absolute backlash with the concept art work? Is it the fact that they actually got something wrong and branded it to be the work of the devil or devilish people? Infact, even called normal and experimental artists who designed that piece of work, “terrorists”.
Then again, let’s just get something really straight here about this concept art by the company involved. If they were really terrorists that designed it… it really wouldn’t be that well detailed, in fact… it would just be with words which requires translating on a fudgy piece of video, then made public on some silly ol’ broadcasting network close to them. Don’t forget about the chance of their cameras running out of batteries, then calling a Jihad on something, swearing, finger pointing and the works. From the picture’s perspective, it is very well detailed, great detail in the lighting effects, the sombre mood displayed, better than a trashy video can play it back with very nice visual. I mean hell, would terrorists be bothered with designing that sorta thing instead of being scared bugger about what’s happening outside than spending over days to make something visually nice about a postapocalyptic environment in the future?
If that were to be true, I can think of a few main features within their picture in question… The word “Jihad”, stick figures, use of horrid looking colours and the use weird materials just for paper mainly in the formed of lined papers, just like the ones used in High School to make paper airplanes. What’s much more fun is using those pieces of paper and before they impact with anything, you scream out the word Jihad. That’s always a good laugh XD
The idea of concept being labelled terrorism art by the paper in question really needs to get their heads screwed on right before calling something that it isn’t such as a nice looking female model, “Fat”. Score one to gamers, 200 imaginary points to Journ-o’s -_-’

When someone tells you to piss off, it doesn’t mean to piss at the thing they are pointing at