Gamer Grunt: Perfect Marks Syndrome

As of late, my favourite source in checking the go of many games for a good source of interest and satisfaction knowing that both men and women gamers around the world would not be sold out by the great hype surrounding game titles.

So far this year, that same very source goes around and gives a few games the near impossible marks of perfects when that clearly was not the case, testing out games for every aspect of fun and getting it to run rigorous work out to prove its worth for them to make sure that it is tried and tested to give you the 100% satisfaction you so do want from the game, rubber stamping its authenticity as being worthy for your attention. Thanks to the mongering idiots, it seems like they are being paid off senselessly sending them showers of gifts to give the rubber stamp of Perfect 10s across the board!

I’m no brain surgeon, but isn’t the whole point of a rating system is to make sure that it would become the stuff of legends and something that the world shouldn’t ever miss out of playing, then maybe consider giving Perfect 10s, yet there are clear problems within games, yet, those flaws are blatantly thrown out of the Unbiased and unpaid window into the realms of Bribery haven for the sadden Ole folks that it known as the corruption police.

What in the world would of made 2-4 certain titles to earn the absolute impossible score of 100% marks, when none of the titles pre-”era-ol’-Perfectness” better than those which some have known to be the games which made up stand up and gain our attention?

These titles which are in question:
– Grand Theft Auto 4
– Metal Gear Solid 4
– Super Smash Brothers Brawl

That’s just about one for every system excluding the PC.

These games are suppose to keep you hooked on playing for hours without you ever realising that you even took that long and gets so immersed in a game that you quit playing until you see the sun rises (other way round for goths, emos and night people).

In SSBB, after about 2 hours of playing it, I got bored and wanted to do something else… that’s even to do with Multiplayer. I enjoyed it, yet it isn’t the simplicity of the game, nor it being the only thing I was to play, yet simply, the fact that some of the maps were so annoying that some of the characters would look like specks of pixels on a small TV, if given that might happen, then comes some of the insane power-ups and AI. Some power ups such as the targeting thingy, it forces people to chase to gain an upper-hand advantage and even if you aren’t interested, you still have to chase it to prevent players from using it. The Final Smash becomes ultimately annoying if you had to deal with a character which can go psycho with it and just completely just annoy every single character in the game, one being Sonic. The AI always react to certain cycle of movements, attacks and combos that even with some main obstructions within the game, keeps using it and doesn’t react like normal people would.

GTA 4, I believe it is still linear even though it is classed as a free world environment; yet, players are required to complete the first lousy mission to be allowed to cause some interesting havoc within the game. Next cause of concern in the game is being a dedicated driver and chauffeuring people from point A to point B and maybe a small little point C then maybe back to point A then point B and to add insult to misery, you are being chased from point B back to point A using the guy that’s tailing you. Doesn’t the game just sound fun?

And the latest one, MGS4… Sorry, but I ain’t touched the game, but having told about the end result even before the release of the game to shut people up… well… Yahtzee did complain about the game being a little rather on the side of long and boring in terms of the time it takes to reach the first enemy in the game.

This begs the question of whether the people thought out the entire game properly or Yahtzee is actually bad at computer games or both…. but back on topic… What I just mentioned aren’t minor or unmissable flaws or unnoticed is a short space of time… unless the time to review those games are sinking making them reflect on just what they can see out of a game and can’t fully review a game.

Perhaps the next time someone is to review a game, make them play it for a solid week and then get a verdict outta them since there are some old games out there which is actually still known and loved by gamers really passionate with those titles.

What makes a game so perfect that no minor flaws are really counted? How about a nicely designed shirt with a big fat hole right in the middle of it. Can you still call it designer shotgun fashion?

If something is perfect, use a hammer

Gamer Grunt: Power Box run down

After a good extensive year to test out the beasts of the consoles, we can actually point the finger of agony, despair, happiness, exciting and many more emotions dragged all into one. Just a little more over a year (for Australia at least), we see very clear results from this generation (seventh if anyone’s keeping track) what trends have emerge from ongoing fight for superiority in the gaming field.

Before I go into my normal routine of slamming, blamming and name branding… I think it is about high time I were to start award consoles for once but this ain’t as simple as a yay awards for all recipients since I’m really not known for being nice.

But I’d like to start out with a good intro with all of the contestants and handhelds will be left out of the race as the winner is already triple upper leg on the loser or more… hell, maybe it was actually the multiplication of the the number of serviceman in the US Marine Corp against the little loser, but hell, first off the block, we have…

=== Playstation 3 ===
The heavy weight of all the contestants, able to chug more power than all the people in Africa but with an IQ higher than playing with the console multiplied at least the number of sides of The Pentagon building. This Black beast comes in the brutest of all colours and even goes retro by copying the colour from the first releases of the Fold Model T!

Not only is it smarter than the average brainwave activities of its players, but they also can play Blu-Ray Movies and Games!
(Okay, I haven’t personally checked out the difference, but if I were to compare DVD quality porno and Blu-Ray [I honestly couldn't give a toot if I were to compare them] quality ones, I believe the proof with be with the money shots [No pun intended]. But really now… if it is like comparing a B-Grade film with an A-Grade film, it all comes down if I can really give a giant hoot if I were to watch either one of them in the first place)

The menu system is 100% direct copy of the PSP with 100% of the stuffiness multiplied with the number of IQ questions in a book to achieve at least a score of 200. Though it is a customisable quest to change the colour of the Playstation 3 menu decor, it is considerably lacking in the number of times it is actually used in the first place.

With games taking more longer than the time to actually earn enough money to buy the system on minimum wage with less than half the quality in terms of fun and quality titles with the chance of a A+++ title now occurring about the same as playing dart blindfolded with an always moving dart board and trying to hit the bullseye at the same time.

The controller is based on the ancient make with less of a strangulation device, but now comes with a more portable strangulation device to sync the dual pointed stars with the console but to outnumber those stars to strangulation devices will create further woes as to trying to hook everyone but at least there’s no more hassle of those useless multitaps for some 4 way action.
With Round 1 of those throwing stars refusing to add a bit more weight and wiliness to get rid of a strangler, Round 2 told all people the impervious and gained that extra weight for more plushy and rumbly action for all to enjoy. And both rounds involved the near to useless motion sensitive idea of sixaxis, having no titles to deem the technology one bit useful. (I have a good idea for a good game using it but I ain’t saying it here)

=== Wii ===
The butt end of all toilet jokes and thought to be conspired for a complete downfall of all that once made the makers but this light weight lil pocket o’ terror of a console is not only the cheapest, affordable by so many, interesting and cheaper to run than trying to maintain a super model, that this lil pocket rocket is more popular than rich people multiplied out by the number of people which has shagged Paris Hilton.

Main reason for this pocket rocket to be so cheap to run than a super model is due to many important facts.
1) There are no BS additional useless goodies which no one would be bothered to really use
2) Dedicated to one main thing, to play games!
3) No BS = less powerful chip, which leads to cheaper running costs

The killing device of choice sometimes has a problem with on screen accuracy and would lead to sudden stutter with more injuries than random anger missiles aimed for everywhere to only then headshot yourself into hospital for the random case of stupidity, giving everyone the clear chance to actually go stupid and waggle yourself into more awkward positions than what karma sutra can suggest. But quite literally, you’ll end up wondering the possibilities about the controller vs game with the added question of outsmarting the developers in stupid and crazy stunt in the name of fun.

No way to play DVD movies makes this device purely for games and games it shall be. With many titles from the other two competitors scared buggered bout the power of the toilet, they are now self flushing their heads in the toilet joke and making something rather indecent array of titles just to make a quick buck in terms of entertainment value. So rather than entertaining people with just game titles and humiliate themselves of everyone without even noticing, there’s the sudden change in wind and now it is the creation of new ways to play from steering some cheap platic wheel, to pretending to actually own an MP5 submachine gun to the sinisterly blind health guru, known as the Wii Fit.

With a No BS approach to this system, the toilet joke of the generation really has a problem with being picked off for bad things, but being able to pick up chicks with it, 100% pure gold and everyone’s best mate, but clearly, not at weddings. Though, demanding games can’t be played on the system, though, it isn’t always about power as the toilet joke has shown everyone.

=== Xbox 360 ===
As Yahtzee has stated, the Frat boy’s best friend besides booze, booze, booze, more booze and digging up free roots (from both gender may I add). The earliest arriver of the current gen, but now, also known as the oldy of the consoles.

Internally, it boasts a better play stability than what the fat black box can ever do with more prettier colours to boot. Even though you can do more such as make faces in the wind of a picture taker for lasting memories, type swear words into the system quicker than an “aim and pecker” can ever do with a simple menu with many bulls to cut, really makes things a little more simpler. Though the highway robbery of the funtastic value is badly robbed, is almost a not so fun venture to actually take up.
Main gripe of the entire box is more to the fact that it would live up to the controversial ad bout the baby popping up then just lands into the grave. Just as that speed shows, that just speaks about the truth from being healthy to the bricked status of being an expensive paper weight.

The games are rather more decent than expected than what is actually expected in this gen and that maybe of the games seem rather more of a fun run than trying to run from the cops because someone ratted you as being foul when you are actually not. With so many interesting titles, releases being very constant with a good fun to crappiness ratio better than most other console, this is the surprise pack mule of them all.

This is the only console which actually has real colour changing values from standard white to Model T Black to Spartan Green to whatever else they are going to come up with. Though, the additional goodie of a movie enhancing device known as the optional HHDDVVDDBVD device, which oddly, has lost the all important war of cheap DVD next gens.

The odd four pointed star, also known as the controller, has not motion device attached to it unlike the other two contestants, but allows you to change the batteries and allows you to buy the optional battery and charger if you really care about the environment and hate running to the store for a fresh set of batteries since it crapped itself too quickly. Buttons are near to the old style, aka version two to the Xbox controllers and not the fat stubby ones.

Not always a favourite among both sexes, this does play quite well in the face of adversity and a steep upward fight.

=== Awards ===

To avoid giving out pointlessly obvious awards, I’ll just brand out my awards of the less known types.

FBI’s Most wanted – The award is given to the console which is not actually used for what it was intended to do, but is actually used by non gamers. This award goes to… Playstation 3!
With Government officials and researchers bagging so many of these machines, sales have gone through the roof yet… no games are actually being played on it.

The Superman 64 – Known as the crappiest game known to man… even…. and doesn’t even deserve the word “man” in the title either… this is rather a delicate award for the console with a horrible game selection. This award goes to…. Playstation 3!
The games just takes far too long with the quality not as good as the others, beside the Wii of course, but at least you’ll have fun with the Wii

The Golden Brick – You can maybe guess what a bricked system means, so this is a no brainer of an award… with this award going to the Xbox 360
The most hated Red Ring of Death, gives owners both sadness and rage, truly owns the award for bricking better than anything

LSD Not need Apply – With so many pretty colours on the screen with a absolute joy to observe with the use of illegal substance than what is glistening in your eyes to give you a high in enjoyment, this award is given to the Wii!
not needing to go 100% real in detail, use of bright joyful colours in the system give this bugger the edge in highness in your cornea.

Nerd Fun – not actually do to with the intelligence of the machine but something which nerds might go back to time after time after time again without ever thinking about it. With all three system in the running with Xbox 360 for the games, PS3 being a really high tech gizmo (soon maybe paper weight) and the Wii for game play madness… This award goes to the Wii
Not only does the wii have the weird toilet joke, but the Wii Fir will keep nerds fit and maybe stronger (watch out! XD)

Golden Pint – so simple of a console that even a really bad drunkard would understand without shame of a simple screw up in playing the device. Maybe even would need to test it out when they one day may soon get drunk. This award goes to… The Wii
With such a wide margin for error in the device, no matter how drunk the person is.. the main risk is for the TV to be broken

Biggest U’ey – for the company being forced to eat their own words due to their outrages. Honestly, it would seem like there are only two contestants this time, the Xbox 360 for extending their warranty for three years and the Playstation 3 for their controller. The winner is… Playstation 3.
Honestly, declaring that there wouldn’t be any rumble for the Playstation 3 due to a big fat law suit against them was creating question marks in terms of if it was ever to come out, but the loyalists all knew it was going to happen one day.

WTF?!? – Given for the weirdest game titles for the system. This may not always be the best of things, but sometimes does raise question about where the hell the whole thing is going but hell, sometimes it is actually too funny to not pass up playing. With this award being given to the Wii.
Since when wasn’t Rayman Raving Rabbids not actually funny and addictive to actually mimic? *Buaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!*

Righty O, I might as well wrap this one up and call it a day (or a week to some people)… Play it safe and watch out for the injury bug!

To go over 100% in anything refers to yourself being the sitting duck

Gamer Grunt: Daily Gaming News Today!

Terrorist have made a postapocalyptic picture of Washington DC, leading analysts have gave their verdict and have replied by saying “all j0o p33pS r scr00geD!Run f3r ur lives with ur kittens!!”
In other news today, the same image has been revealed to be concept art for an upcoming title due in the near future… And did I forget to mention that it was made into news and then scrapped about a few minutes later after finding out that a well detailed concept art about a terrorism picture is in fact a detailed concept art about a postapocalyptic Washington DC. What makes it weird was the fact that the journ-os picked it up and made stupid and weird sense of it all and titled it however they so wanted.
What next? Are we to see that it is all a pityful very very late April Fools joke or what not? But then again, there have been so much outrage with some of the games and the company, yet, why hasn’t there been an absolute backlash with the concept art work? Is it the fact that they actually got something wrong and branded it to be the work of the devil or devilish people? Infact, even called normal and experimental artists who designed that piece of work, “terrorists”.
Then again, let’s just get something really straight here about this concept art by the company involved. If they were really terrorists that designed it… it really wouldn’t be that well detailed, in fact… it would just be with words which requires translating on a fudgy piece of video, then made public on some silly ol’ broadcasting network close to them. Don’t forget about the chance of their cameras running out of batteries, then calling a Jihad on something, swearing, finger pointing and the works. From the picture’s perspective, it is very well detailed, great detail in the lighting effects, the sombre mood displayed, better than a trashy video can play it back with very nice visual. I mean hell, would terrorists be bothered with designing that sorta thing instead of being scared bugger about what’s happening outside than spending over days to make something visually nice about a postapocalyptic environment in the future?
If that were to be true, I can think of a few main features within their picture in question… The word “Jihad”, stick figures, use of horrid looking colours and the use weird materials just for paper mainly in the formed of lined papers, just like the ones used in High School to make paper airplanes. What’s much more fun is using those pieces of paper and before they impact with anything, you scream out the word Jihad. That’s always a good laugh XD
The idea of concept being labelled terrorism art by the paper in question really needs to get their heads screwed on right before calling something that it isn’t such as a nice looking female model, “Fat”. Score one to gamers, 200 imaginary points to Journ-o’s -_-’

When someone tells you to piss off, it doesn’t mean to piss at the thing they are pointing at

Gamer Grunt: Who’s playing our games?

Honestly, I thought this sorta thing already exists where people actually perform age checks on game buyers but it seems like I was deadly wrong. Just when business are suppose to be ethical in actually selling their games, I don’t actually see it being followed and the businesses are actually even selling their games to those which shouldn’t even of had their hands on in the first play.
Some may feel quite outraged, some may feel like it is no biggy and some will sooner or later just spam me because I’m raising an issue about stopping them for playing their beloved game. Take those complaints and shove it. Those who I am actually targetting at are those who sell those games to those just for quick bucks and those who buy their those games for their kiddies just because their kid requests and then they go around declaring it is the fault of the developer/publisher for making the game really awful for their kids such as excessive gore.
I’ve covered this once before and why am I coverering this again and just now? Apparently no one is learning and everytime a business just tries to make a quick buck and not informing the parent about the game, we might as well have those irresponsible ignorant parents just go to parenting school and unbiased training just to rid them of their stpid ways.
There are actually responsible parents out there who care about looking after their kid and watch what they give their kids, but truth by told, it is never their fault, just the other wide’s fault for not double checking.
I am not a political head for any group or individuals, not even the parents, but the more I hear businesses trying to make a quick buck over someone else’s stupidity, I do become frustrated with since the games which I do enjoy and pride playing on is being kicked in the shins by complete randoms who in fact has no idea in actually looking after their own kids.
Don’t argue about me having no kids and talking all nonsense, but I am one responsible gamer who knows from right or wrong in a lot of respects, but these shin kicks against games which don’t actually deserve that sort of attention and should of never happen in the first place.
Next time a parents just turns around because they say that a game is far too violent for a kid, maybe they oughta go to parenting school or force them to play the game for an entire week non-stop before they can comment about it. And this is an ultimatum for those idiots out there.
PS. Steam, try to get that sorta thing up and set a trend for businesses and parents to acknowledge.

The person who blames something is the one to blame

Gamer Grunt: Gone GTAing

Personally, I haven’t even laid a single finger that game and why should I? Because it is a top of the notch title which everyone should be out getting? Personally, I don’t buy into the rampant hype.
Either I’ve just missed the point of playing highly rated games, or reviewers have been given a fist full of perfect scores because they fear the power of the Rockstar. O wait… are they being paid again for such a high volume of advertisement jsut to avoid being caught with their virtual pants down. Now, I honestly have no idea what in the flaming world of retardedness is going on, but I’ve been told over and over and over again, the big down side game is the introduction.
Where in the perfect line in logic does negativity of that sheer volume in terms of playing do you have to play that long (if you can even call it playing) because you are allowed to just free roam and do as you please and cause all the harm, chaos, havoc and mind boggling destruction can you honestly not award it at least 0.1 marks off or even a simple 1 point deduction by many of the reviewers.
I know Rockstar are the bad boys of game development and have proven themselves worthy of the title of the mold breakers in gaming award and the biggest trend setters, but hey, I’m growing quite sus of the wrong type of reviewers actually reviewing the damn game. I honestly have not seem so many perfect scores since an absolute noob play against a pro in any sport and the pro just pwning the noob for even setting foot in their territory.
I honestly don’t see the hype and if I get flamed for suggesting something stupid and for not playing the game… If I’m told to just do what someone says for 30 minutes straight and I’m not able to do as I please and follow a stiffy line of lineararty, I would of awarded instant deduction in marks! I’ve worked before and I have an idea about following orders, but I then manipulate that order to how I feel is my natural stomping ground and hey, it was much more impressive than most people think.
With so many perfect scores, I just wonder how many reviewers are sleeping in bed with GTA IV or actually pulling complete all weekers just enjoy the game. Just when I thought WoW was bad enough, then comes GTA IV which may cause actual deaths in physical forms, but those silly ol’ ending up in hospital scenes and living to cause my havoc.
I just don’t see what I’m suppose to see in that game, unless someone would like to demonstrate to me why so many people just enjoy sleeping with that damn game, it would quite help some.

Bad intelligence is a contradition, yet is always proven right

Gamer Grunt: Gaming Paradise

For ages, gamers have been strangling to find the perfect gaming environment and yet, with this age of perfection and willingness to go beyond the calling of their mates, they still try to perfect it with such precision and perfection, that, chances are, it won’t exactly be visited regularly by anyone for too long.
With your perfect computer gaming area, the joystick for some flight sim games, the G25 steering wheel for racing games, G5/G7/G9 mouse, original G15 keyboard, 7.2 surround speakers, large fridge full of goodies, dual 21 inch screens or large and the list goes on, including the top of the range gaming rig PC to boot. Hell maybe include some of the major consoles with major games in there, hooked up to the PC monitors and speakers, hell, you can call it your Cloud 9 of all gaming set ups. This might not be everyone’s dream set-up, and hell, it ain’t my kinda set-up I’m dreaming of, but there’s some tempting things on the list of wish haves.
Not one of the hottest or most discussed topics in the gaming world, but hey, right now, this is a start of something maybe probable and turn into something big, or maybe a business idea. I call first dibs on being first to call it!
Then again, I’m not trying to sound evil but I’m saying as it is, chances are, that sorta pride and joy would not be that well recieved or be that frequently visited. You might say that you could live in there forever, rocking out on your Guitar Hero 3 on your PC or Xbox 360, playing Super Smash Bro Brawl on your Wii with your partner or mates, or whatever else you could do in there, but hell… chances are, the thing that you might crave, will soon change and you wish for a new a better excitment.
I know all about those WoW obsessives and slagging off for over 4 days straight to achieve the full 70 levels, soon to be 80, then 90, then 100 and whatever… ain’t my type of game and cuppa tea with a scotch finger on the side. But there are some which do love to do what freely without strings one-day, or a week or so. Then again, there are some pricks out there selling Gold, rare items or farming as they call it for real cash and ticking off the real players, playing it legally, but away from that…
Chances are, a lot of people have work, work obsessively long hours, be badly demoraled day-in, day-out, slagger for over 12 hours a day, have bad lunches, breakfasts, dinners, suffer from small bouts of food poisioning, trying to find your perfect opposite, etc. Even if you set your life up to have a bit of small time luxury , you are still not able to spend enough time with it to even merit that time of luxury to be bought, installed and enjoyed. Though, it is possible to spend just enough time to enjoy it without worries, but life will bite you hard, plummetting you back to reality and sinks you into the pits of something which you were rebelling against.
So, what in the endevours in life would be the perfect set-up and ideal one to keep up happy to visit, just enough to be enjoyed? Simple answer, just enough to keep you happy. This can be as simple as having a decent gaming mouse, VOIP capable headset, 17 inch screen, battlescorned keyboard and a decent rig good for some good titles and some nice snacks or food near by in case hunger sets in. Well, that kinda sounds like what I have, but everyone else may have a different set up. For those Wii lovers that have one hooked up, a nice 72 inch screen, 5.1 stereo system with hi-fi and a nice sofa to the side to take nice frequented breaks. And hey, I might sound like I’m obsessed with the Wii, but truth be front, it is the main modern console which is popular with both genders.
From a rich set-up to a low-down set-up, sometimes, it is better to stick to the comforts of what you call home and that is the best kind of set-up which you can thoroughly enough and love.

The past has been lived through whilst the future is what we make of it. Consider it carefully as it will soon come to past.

Gamer Grunt: Welcome to your life, in this console!

No longer were the periods which we just had stuff being what they are such as a printer, scanner, camera, speakers, the lists goes on. Nower days, people just cram as much as possible within anything they touch.
But excuse me if I sound like a freaking purist, but nower days there’s just so much stuff being placed within these consoles, such as a photo viewer, music player, movie player, DVD-player, etc… But stop and think. How many people you actually know that uses all of those “feature”. Sure, it attracts people to go out and get it, but sooner or later, after about a month or so, where’s the love? Only a small percentage will still end up using all those nifty stuff, but a large majority will either stick to just a few of them.
In the case of Xbox 360, just playing games and watching a small number of DVDs (only ones being the Legendary Edition Halo 3 and Special Edition Halo 2). My PSP, well, I just watch movies and listen to music, but oddly, I haven’t played games on it lately. My DS, well, I love it for what it is, at least it isn’t trying to outdo itself in the fashionable department, though, you could argue that changing into a bright coloured pink or blue would be classed as fashionable such as carrying a pink…. well, you should get it.
Before people start noting out to me about the major word here, no, I already know, “Convergence”. Question being where is this multi-purpose lifestyle going to take us? I mean, I know a lot of people who hardly use all the possible features in their game systems and where’s the point in having them? If I were to view a photo on my PSP, I would prefer to use my digital camera instead. Sure it may be cheaper having multiple tools in one, such as a Swiss Army Knife, but hell, consoles aren’t like that. God only knows if you use your PS3 as a DIY hammer/paperweight or your PSP as an expensive brick since you’ve ran out of materials to fix that gap in your wall.
Now, we have the mobile phones able to hold music, view video clips, record video clips, record speeches, play games along with calling people and txting others, not only that, we have ourselves Nokia reattempting at the whole N-Gage thing and the possibility it bumming out and failing again. Great idea, but just wasn’t practical to modern way of living and besides, the more stuff is inside it, higher the chance of it being big and fat, just like the blackberries and PS3. Whilst if you take a look at the Wii, we got ourselves something resembling the size of a large freakety book, but lighter than one with the DS doing the exact same thing, except it is smaller than a pocket dictionary and million times more better in terms of entertainment value!
With many of the business structured to go into our living rooms and taking over our hopeless lives one day, the chance of it breaking and you find yourself with nothing to do but kill yourself due to the complete boredom of nothinginess, remember that I’ll be one step ahead of you since I’ll always have my PC in my room with my DS by my side to kill the freedom boredom wave. And on that note, get yourself a freaking Wii if you don’t want to end up killing yourself from boredom!

Life is never perfect, but it is what makes life beautiful

Gamer Grunt: All Gamers are Fat

Maccas, or McDonald’s for those non-slack tongued people, in the UK blames the obesity epidemic on games instead of its food. *Checks himself*
Well, I’m checking my arse to see if it is inflated or something in which ghetto talk calls it, a booty. And nope, nice and non-invasive with no problems getting into my snug jeans. I love my games and can play it for half a day straight without losing my focus and improve my eye-sight. (I tested my eyes for my hand to eye coordination and it is pretty darn high in score!) And am I fat now? For the interest of saving time and effort into detail compiling absolutely nothing, a big fat No.
Even though it is old new to some, we have ourselves someone who isn’t a gamer, but someone high up in the corporations with a questionable “clean” identity lashing out on an entertainment which can improve eye sight (FPS), thinking skills (Strategies), the body (Wii & Wii Fit obviously) and one which can cause people to go anorexic in the extreme sense (*cough* World of Warcraft *cough*), and hey, they last point doesn’t make people fat, just skinny and fall over, but main point, “Not Fat!”
I can pretty much tell you that in order to be a good gamer and reach a high level of competitiveness, you’ll only have to look as far as the CPL or CAL (Cyberathlete Professional League and Cyberathlete Amateur League) and how many large people do you spot? According to Maccas, it should be everyone because games are suppose to make people fat. But, how do games make people fat? Where’s the protein value in consuming their vital game DVDs? It is more likely to kill you instead of providing you with all the metal concentrates in your body (I do not advise actually trying this to prove my point or someone else’s). Fast Foods consumed by gamers? Well, according to Leeroy Jenkins, he enjoys his chicken very much, but he ain’t fat, and neither is his dwarf.
Maybe it is gamers being lazy cooks, yet, Leeroy Jenkins roasts his chicken and does silly rushes (if you have no idea about who Leeroy Jenkins is, please chuck a Googly), but hell, he is healthy, living well and is loving his chicken but if you are willing to blame it on poor diets of gamers… well the check alternative to actually running to the nearest Fast Food joint and ordering everything on the menu, the crazy, yet quick method is quite simply a carton of milk with breakfast cereal. Sounds stupid, yet if you think about it; for one, food in a fast; for two, it provides you with all your essential vitamins and minerals for living; for three, one run and it will last you at least two days when you are hungry; for four, it lasts a long time; and for five, it is actually easier for the environment than having a bad diet of fast food, don’t forget about the cost too! Definately costs less than your local Fast Food chain would, but hell, have ten different cereals with at least twenty cartons of long life milk in the fridge and you’ve got yourself a sweet, long lasting supply of food to last you a good month of gaming non-stop! And would you either get fat and die or being totally anorexic? Fat, depends on how fast you are consuming it, becoming rexic, doubt it unless you are eating less than 3 standard bowls a day.
I don’t personally endorse any of those activities or part-take that, but I live on a healthy diet with plenty of sunshine, sports and gym, so I’m quiet a healthy and happy gamer and was kinda on the obese side thanks to Maccas and their long-standing advertisements to the youth and teens viewing their commercials.
After learning from the mistakes of the past, it honestly comes down to the individual and the kind of eating and living patterns, but still, Fast Food doesn’t help in the health agenda of gaming, but the pricier joints actually provide a nice healthy outlook for gamers, even with the steep price.
In Closing, if you are to become a gaming hermit, don’t forget your boxes of cereal with a fridge for storing nice and cold milk for your eating needs without having a two minute lunch run (I don’t recommend performing excessive game hording, but this would be a better alternative for everyone’s sakes, consider your family!) than a fast food run with a hint of lard and/or fatty oils in your diet (even though fat is needed in your body, fresh milk has enough of that, check the long life ones if they do) and better than pure starvation.

Just for those questioning if I play any game obsessively, right now, the answer is no; with “No” WoW account as I never even considered touching it as I am too cheap for that; too much uni work for a Team Fortress 2 (and yes, I love that game) hording sessions; I need to reformat my computer as a virus has gotten through again (don’t tell me which Anti-virus to get); I’ve got my Bachelor of Computer Games (yes, that’s exactly what I doing) course to worry about and I’ve got exams in less than 2 weeks. After that, this gaming computer can’t come to me and I am living a more happier life away from gaming, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve stopped gaming.

Gamer Grunt: 50GGS

Time Crisis 4 (Namco Bandai, 2007)
_________________

Time for some Crisis talks?

—Graphics—

5 / 10

Model looks smoother with the cut screen looking very pretty and crisp. No model issues. HUD is clean and easy to read and understand. Menu system is easy to understand but isn’t very helpful in the further menus. Points lost for the corner cutting in the first person shooter mode, though the the first in the arcade mode looks brilliant!

—-Audio—-

4 / 10

Old sound effects are still there. I don’t recall hearing very strong background music, but who needs it when you are worried more often then not. Recycled sounds from Time Crisis 3 in terms of shooting. Goons still sounds kinda the same. Some of the bosses sounds too stupid to be even considered an enemy of the state.

—Gameplay—

7 / 15

Not too friendly to new players not familiar to Time Crisis series especially with the weapon switching and the multiscreen battles not so friendly to people who are new to shooters. Just like the arcades without the need to use your own coins to continue! (Though you need to shell out loads to pain freeplay) Allows you to continue the game from start of chapters for casual gamers, but isn’t recorded as a full start to finish of the game. A few additional goodies and this game explains the story a bit.

—Longevity—

2 / 5

Found myself enjoying the game for a good long while. Good charm to those who love rail shooters shooters. Good for Semi-casual gamers.

—Stab Time—

5 / 10

Woo!

Some free gun mini-games, Yay!
Some nice looking characters
Wild Dog is back!
There’s an actual First Person Shooter game!
The first actual shooter for PS3
Box to store game and gun
Enemy with more than standard health is shown in a bar
Goons with bullet-proof shields!

Boo!

Gun tells you to point to scroll, yet you are suppose to use the joystick, WTF?
Not so Noob friendly
Some recycled sounds from Time Crisis 3
Same ol’ shooter as Previous ones
No freedom of choice
Multiscreen battles kinda a pain
Holding the gun for a few of the areas is a pain
The gun isn’t freakin wireless!
Gun collaboration a bit of a pain
Loading can be a bit of a pain
Setting up and packing up a major pain
Another story based on terrorism against USA
Boss fights very restrictive
Bosses have at least 7 bars of health? Kinda unrealistic there
Gun doesn’t have recoil or rumble!

—Summary—

V: 5 / 10
A: 4 / 10
G: 7 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 5 / 10

Total: 23 / 50
46%

You even can pause the crisis to handle a crisis of your own!

———————————————————————-
__________________________________________________

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Time Crisis 4 (Namco Bandai, 2007)
———————————-
Time for another Crisis shooting?

Just when we couldn’t get more games about internal terrorism within USA by associations which have a strong vengeance against the government and its people, and so, comes another chapter in the multi-gun selection game which is called Time Crisis 4.
As you’ve guessed, it is set within USA and don’t people really care about terrorism and being special agents facing against dumb robotic terrorists which either can’t aim or aim fast enough. Just when them seems a little too easy, there’s an extra element of multi-screen battles, along with the standard armada of 4 different guns, unlimited pistol ammo and limited lives to which you must complete the game with, with the almighty countdown timer remind you of the amount of time left before you mysteriously lose a life for being too slow.

Instead of pulling off the same settings in which you find in your trusty game arcades, you find yourself one life short with limited continues at the beginning of the game, though, I did find it possible to to not lose a life til the third multiscreen battle in the game but there’s just no rumble or recoil action just like the arcades, what a disappointment in itself.

The game is exactly like what you find in the arcades less the step abusing pedal, recoiling gun chained to the machine, the machine itself and the nice looking screen which you may be playing on, all replaced with the furnishing of your playing room, dinky little TV or a huge one widescreen LCD or plasma (should be about 90% of you anyways), a drinks fridge stuffed with all your favourite beverages, your Playstation 3 with a Gun-con 3 which seems to of spawned half of a playstation controller, but they have a good reason for doing that, along with the amount of space remaining to gently remind you that you aren’t actually in an arcade, playing for free.

Besides the lost luxuries of playing at home with the freedom to drink beer and shoot at targets which you will eventually miss, the gun does have a problem in terms of movement, such as aiming at the screen, calibration and having to aim as precisely as possible to make sure that the game isn’t badly affected, yet with sharpshooting skills, people complain about my calibration due to the fact they weren’t exactly standing in the same spot as I was when I was calibrating it just a minute ago. What is even more disturbing is the fact that the gun is no longer working when playing on another mate’s system and has since gone for warranty repairs.

The games within Time Crisis 4 isn’t actually that bad. There’s the standard arcade rail shooter which we know and love, the adventure mode, which takes advantage of the half-controller sticking out of the gun and a whole bunch of fun mini-games, such as shooting targets.
The Arcade mode is exactly as you would see in your arcades and how you’d imagine it, but has the feature where you can choose the sex which you can start at, though, it won’t record the game as a successful completion of the game. But it is great for those who have little time to go to arcades and want to see the ending of the game, but in order to reach there, you must reach to that point of the game in order to unlock it.
Adventure mode is where you take control of Captain Rush for half of the time, with the other half, you take control of one of the VSSE agents and it ain’t the bratty one unfortunately. When you take control of Captain Rush, you move kinda slowly, but now you are limited on pistol ammo, but along the way, every time you kill an enemy, which happens to be everyone and everything, they will drop ammo, except those boss battles, which you end up with less ammo than you would of started off at the beginning of the game. Not only do you get to use the always replenishing bullet totting pistol, but you also get a sub-machine gun, shot gun, grenade, grenade launcher and a device to kill a biological weapon, if there is one more, apparently, the Captain Rush is a bit slow there, though, we could argue that we could argue that it would be faster using mouse and keyboard. Everytime you go into adventure mode, the scenery and background looks like a rush job or some way to stabilise the framerate within this mode. The enemies also looks far too rugged, even though they could of used the same skins as the arcade mode, it just seems like they didn’t run with it. There were even obstacles which you could of easily jumped over, though you simply couldn’t. Even after the bad quality in visuals, it would take over a minute before a single enemy would of killed you with their infinite ammo, even though they would drop just half a clip when you kill them, though bosses will simply just jump around, trying to shoot you through objects, which may take longer than a goon would with just a pistol, standing in the one spot and hiding when they choose to reload, if they are bothered ducking for cover whilst you give them an evil stare for getting shot at by them. In the VSSE missions, they are simply the arcade mode shooters but the lives reset every time you complete an area, but you won’t be able to use the great looking bug zappers which Captain Rush gets to use during the missions (Boo!).
The mini-games are simply just the shooting targets and try to rack up as many points as possible. The graphics looks nice and smooth and hate to say it, but it was actually a lot more fun than the arcade mode, because it is quick, pick-up and play and the objectives are in your face without the need to read that much besides shoot this, but not that with pictures for those who hates to read. It isn’t just the one standard target shooter, but there are more options if you are bothered checking, but the other modes are far too hard due to the gun’s questionable accuracy and movement speeds, so it is better to stick with the first 3 target shooting mini-games.

The game allows you to load the entire game into your Hard Drive to speed up loading times, yet, I didn’t notice any real significance in wait times unfortunately, so it is best to avoid that option and save yourself at least 2 Gigs worth of space on your Hard Drive.

With the fun of the First Person Shooter mode in Time Crisis which gives a new dimension to the game and some small fun extras, it would be more classed as a casual rail shooter for the shooter fans. Though, there should be more titles available to take advantage of the new Gun-con 3 and it should be more reliable than having break down within 6 weeks of opening the package and only being bundled with the game at an inflated price.

—VAGLES—

Visual: 5 / 10
Audio: 4 / 10
Gameplay: 7 / 15
Longevity: 2 / 5
Stabs: 5 / 10

VAGLES: 23 / 50
46%

You even can pause the crisis to handle a crisis of your own!

Gamer Grunt: Wii have a slight problem

No, this isn’t about the ole’ strap problem that’s to do with the Wii-mote but this is of something which I must say, I didn’t really care until people started to really drive a wedge down the pants of Nintendo and its fun factor. This is to do with their graphics, I know about the Graphic Issues of the system and that I’ve already covered this in Gaming Graphics a few weeks ago, but it seems like there just so many pant on head retarded reviewers out there that I feel like, with a small unknown amount of followers, I just pretty well insult them all and get away with it in the public domain.

I must stress this out, which is better; only just good visual, only just good sounds, only just good gameplay or something which is about average in all those areas. Well, for the knuckle heads of the reviewers and their publishers, they might as well go for the average all-round due to the fear of hearing nails on chalkboard, back to the 4-bit era of gaming and/or controls which do crazy things when they don’t want it. As for me, I don’t care about graphics which even remotely going back to the Gameboy days even though they are just 1 or 2-bit colours depending on how you look at it, and I’d call it 1-bit as there’s really two main colours, black or background green. As for sound, well, do they really fear midi? Is it ever possible to hear nails on chalkboard easily on a midi? I haven’t tried it personally, but hell, that’s a challenge for all you readers out there and you know how to contact me, tell me if it is even possible for midi to properly play a sound resembling to nails on chalkboard. I’d imagine a big fat no due to the format issue and the purpose of the format being to record instruments not exactly for nails on chalkboard. Finally gameplay, well, have you ever played a game where buttons don’t really make sense and they end up having a mind of its own? Please don’t mention about the shoddy design of a steering wheel as I am thoroughly fed up with poor excuse of a design, but besides that, I haven’t met a game that the controls are so complex, it is like banging your head against the TV just to tell the character to move.

So what have reviewers got to fear about all 3? I can still live with my Gameboy with its shoddy sound and graphics, only if there’s even games worth playing for it. Some reviewers just have no guts venturing back into time and dust off their trusty ole Gameboy and start plugging into a title worth playing, such as Tetris. Believe me when I say it, but hell, that game has such good music and gameplay that still rivals the current-gen versions of tetris, as for graphics, well yeah, it is deemed to be kinda basic, but that’s how you play the game, plus you could easily tell the blocks apart, not a lot of clutter on display but hell, look for the game and you’ll see why it is still loved. Don’t call it pre-loved as it isn’t a raped title by the USSR government.

Now, to the reason for my venting of anger. In pure and short, many of the reviewers are comparing the graphics of the Wii against the pure power of Xbox 360 and PS3. I mean come on! The Wii is not only lite, portable, costs less, a bit more reliable, uses less power than those beasts, has revolutionary controls for current-gen console, has smaller and lighter controls with rumble and a speaker in the controller (omfg!), with the possibility of being able to wave both controllers in your hands like a raging maniac… Okay… now… does someone want to trade their Wii for my Xbox 360 and my titles? Anyways… its shortfalls are the pre-dated graphics, audio and way-ward excuse of a controller, but hell… it is fun!

Though, there’s just one hell of a tosser’s excuse of a reviewer(s) to of called an exclusive title to have “pre-dated” graphics as compared the 360 and PS3. I honestly don’t see how it technically actually works. It is like comparing the taste of a high quality banana from a really cheap store to a high-end one. The big difference is in price, but the quality of the cheaper one might be higher in quality than the expensive place, but the presentation of the expensive place doesn’t always make the taste even better, not even with a small spray of Channel No.5 on the banana even entice me to go for the expensive one. In short, a banana is just a banana, even in price, the way it is presented and in smell (for those that might want to counter state me for not including it). Even after eating the expensive, the perfume might stick to your hand and trying to pick up girls with a perfumed hand will cause you grief yet, if are after guys, well, you’ll just have to test that one out won’t you?

As for me, I pretty much just enjoy the way I play my games with easy to understand controls, decent visuals without glitches and decent audio without nails to chalkboard. Next review to take another bite out of the best console ever conceptualised for the current-gen deserves a flying rotten banana to the pelvis whilst I’ll just enjoy the good ones to myself.

From teh USSR with love