Dissidia (Square Enix, 2009)

The SSBB of Final Fantasy (Up to X, not including X-II).
This is an arena based Final Fantasy game which allows players to select characters from the first ten Final Fantasy games, one each from the side of good and evil.

Visuals
———–

7 / 10

All the characters look great, for a handheld game with unlockable costumes. Clipping issues are hard to notice since the pace of the game counters that problem or is merely non-existent. It is a great pity that characters can’t be personalised in terms of appearance… Road less travel with no tumble weed

Audio
———–

7 / 10

Voice acting is fairly dull and unenjoyable. Can’t really say I really felt for the characters a single bit, so I’m just going to award it poor marks here. The Background music, oddly, I enjoyed and loved. Whether it has been remixed, remastered, retouched or nothing done to, don’t care because it sounds great

Gameplay
———–

8 / 15

Tutorial wasn’t too insightful and it felt like all the buttons in the game really hard to comprehend and most of the time, ignored. It wasn’t until later in the game where the game gets harder as you level up and must resort to using it to dodge some lethal blows, which makes you feel that the buttons then make sense and really pick it up.
Story mode takes you into the story mode (obviously) for each character (only side of good, well so far when I’ve been playing it) trying to save the world (cliché #1) with each battling their own personal demons (cliché #2) and stop the world from falling into chaos (cliché #3). Cliches counter time…
Since Cloud is popular, I’ll just talk about what I had to suffer playing him… so now… Cloud… He is being supported by friends but the weight on his shoulders (cliché #4) is so great he can’t focus his mind and wonders why he has to fight (cliché #5) he fights SSBB type battles one-on-one and encounters his nemesis Sephiroth (cliché #5) and coerced into looking for find for a fight to the death (cliché #6) and I have no interest in going any further for those who want to play the game.
There is a single player mode along with arcade mode for those that want to play that. Single Player or Custom Match allows you to set up matches against the CPU and the characters of your choice. Oddly, there isn’t a practice mode here… though, there’s a greater emphasis on actually levelling up because as you level up, you unlock new skills and abilities. During battles, you can randomly gain accessories, but most of the time, it is just too random.
This game does have unlockable, but they are all purchasable within game via the use of PPs and the PPs have no other function… though…. what do you exactly do after you’ve exhausted the PP store? O yeah… the villainous villains are all purchasable unlocks. Though, if you are after the true bosses of the game, you must actually finish the game. If you are after the exclusive character equips, you must play the story mode, though, you’ll rarely find it in the Inventory store, which can be found in the character customising section. There’s also a trading section if you want some exclusive items, though, I haven’t drummed up the desire to trade certain things for a level up, since I’d rather leave it for the near to impossible levels… if and when I do get there…
When playing, there was always the constant problem of camera angles being a main factor of frustration and causing anguish everywhere it goes such as walls and if someone is directly above or below. Even with the arrow pointing the direction of someone, it still doesn’t help the camera in its cause. I would of just preferred if the camera was focused right inside of keeping your eyes on the opponent and character than character with horizon.
The aerial combat is highly questionable since that kind of battle can be summarised as a game of slaps. If you miss, it is the other guy’s turn and there’s a possibility of pulling one attack or the other and the other can be delayed slightly.
I must say though, I loved the EX system and the ultimate attacks being tied in with it. Once you play it, you’ll learn to understand why it is actually…. really really good!
Don’t be even the chance fooled by the online feature as it is just… well… a complete and utter lie and when I checked the box, it ever claimed to be able to connect to the world wide web… perhaps then should of just considered calling the online game, not online and offline, nothing to do with internet… how stupid…

Longevity
———–

3 / 5

It is far too on and off and I’m constantly playing it on the move than at home… which is disappointing. If it can’t be played everywhere and anywhere, then I really can’t give it higher marks

Stabs
———–

7 / 10

Yay!

FFVII and FFVIII fans can rejoice again!
Ultimate attacks feel like it is proper
Challenges
Selectable unlocks
Almost an SSBB styled Final Fantasy bash-em up!
Equipment and Accessories system

Boo!

Online feature is a lie!
Story is a dull-eyed sleepsfest and 10 out of 10 for being unoriginal
Once everything is unlocked, it just feels disappointing after that
Pretty impossible to win higher level match
Exclusively just 1 on 1 match
Too reliant on spamming
The Grind!
AI seems to be programmed too well and will really start to kick you every time
Just two characters from each series
Not making me to want to play more
Poor camera angles during battles

Normally, I don’t have anyone else review this game and their own personal opinion, so here’s a new one to prop up, main issue is that he’s only played Custom matches only, which is about half the content of the game

4 / 5 – DevilKraven

Yay!

Play as hero & villains
Aerial combat
Simple attacks
Selection of characters
Unique character actions
Leveling during battles

Boo!

Camera during play
Repetitive aerial attacks
Simple Attack Scheme far too repetitive

Scores
V: 7 / 10
A: 7 / 10
G: 8 / 15
L: 3 / 5
S: 11 / 15

Total:
36 / 55 – Worth a go, but don’t hold your breath about this game
65%

If you are looking for a casual styled pick up and play to enjoy, go elsewhere since this is for the fans of both the SSBB crowd and FF fanatics
All the gloss of the game is just heavily countered with the stupidity of the down and no proper online feature… lie!

Will Sports Resort (Nintendo, 2009)

Sports now on an island…

Visuals
———–
6 / 10
Nothing too new and nothing really to break the bounds of normalcy… just the same old same old as the series just goes…

Audio
———–
7 / 10
Refer to above… just a lot of old sounds just repeated but there are a few new stuff added to it just to pass off as something that could be new… but hey… at least something has changed…. slightly… Nothing wrong, the sounds works fine, nothing being played too wrongly… they are all in the right spots and nothing too annoying to want to go deaf for life

Gameplay
———–
8 / 15
I wanted to award this game with a higher score but I just simply can’t… like… 11 than the 8… this game was badly let down with stupid games that couldn’t take a hint as to the controls and some of the games being completly annoying as well to play… but still… I might as give a low down as to each of the games and how good they are…

Swordplay: Kendo type game swinging a Shinai
Wakeboarding: A snowboard but on water
Frisbee: Throwing a frisbee around… obviously
Archery: Must it get any more self-evident than that?
Basketball: fairly obvious but you only need a Wii-mote… defeats the accuracy problem…
Table Tennis: Tennis but on a table with a small bat and a smaller ball
Golf: you should know this one from Wii Sport
Bowling: read above
Power Cruising: Jet Skis… but racing…
Canoeing: you paddle as if you’re a Native American
Cycling: biking as if you’re in a race… -_- yeah… Tour de France style…
Air Sport: Skydiving, and flying in a plane

Swordplay: Duel – you can flail like hell or play it smart… though flailers can get you; Speed Slice – Flailers can still exist here but this is where you can; Showdown – You try to make your way from point A to point B and those that are attempting to get in your way is an army of Shinai weilding people… green people that are slow and random swingers, pink armor people that aren’t females but are smarter than the greens, gold being the more smarter than the pinks and big ones being the boss. There are a few complaints about showdown even though it is a good game… some of the harder characters have a habit of blocking too much, can’t do a full 360 horizontal swing, can’t do thrusts, can’t do sword disarming techniques, can’t hold the sword a different way, can’t fake a swing actually… the list goes on… but hey… it is a good game… actually… I’ve listed a lot of complaints… oops
Wakeboarding: I’m pretty sure that wakeboarding is to do with the feet not hands and legs can cop more grunt than hands can…. err… no offense to the handicapped… but the margin of error is so small and when you think that you have it right or would land correctly… you’re wrong and if you find a way to perfect the land technicque which a friend has found, you look like a nut and if you were to do it for real, you would be suffering injuries which may require a full face reconstruction… that’s how bad the look can be to dodge certain problems
Frisbee: Frisbee Dog; Frisbee Golf… I only tried Frisbee Dog and I’ve played Ultimate Frisbee (why is it classed as an ultimate sport for crying out loud?!?)… I know how to throw straight and angling my shots along with knowing both forehand and backhand throws… but why does it hate my movements so much?!?
Archery: Truth be blunt… first game I tried and I loved (maybe the sole reason)… simple and easy to understand but very hard to master… but this does has a glitch… but it doesn’t really matter, it is still fun! But when you reach the last last of hard/expert… I doubt anyone would be able to survive that long there for just one reason… you work it out when you see it or play it.

Basketball: 3-Point Contest; Pickup Game… Only was bothered trying out 3-Point Contest and it was okay… requiring a bit of time to adjust your accuracy within the game
Table Tennis: Match; Return Challenge… I was only really bothered with Match but the controls are still screwy as hell… and I play(ed) Table Tennis long enough to know how to do fairly annoying shots and I couldn’t even do blocks and heavily backswinging balls… along with being able to do my trademark serves, couldn’t read the way the balls are going due to the isometric pong view which doesn’t help (edit: I’ve never had so much glitch in a game of table tennis ever before and I can’t even select the type of shot I wanted… mainly backhand only!)
Golf: Same as the old Wii Sports golf with some extra courses though it does have some extra swinging action, but it is very annoying with the setting of position and reset in case you were off initially… whether is is a lot more similar to real golf… I can’t really tell any one
Bowling: Bowling; 100-Pin Game; Spin Control… These all can be found in Wii Sports, one from actual bowling and two from traiing options but there are some differences… slightly… but at least now… the controls respond a lot better and you can now become a lot more precise but heck… when I loaded up 100-pin, everyone wanted to play because it was the funniest thing ever conceieved but it was a lot more breath taking than 10 pin and trying to nail a spare off a split

Power Cruising: Slalom Course; VS… A pretend jet skiing game and it is okay… but I didn’t enjoy it that much…
Canoeing: This damn has gotten me stumped… I know how to paddle aggressively fast and do strong strokes but the controls just does something else… I would say that this game is bugged… but hell… if you feel like working it out…. by all means… do it because I couldn’t be bothered after 5 minutes of trying
Cycling: The controls are just stupid… I don’t cycle a bike with my freaking arms! I steer with my arms and cycle with my legs… how silly… at least it isn’t as bad as canoeing
Air Sport: Skydiving; Island Flyover; Dogfight…

Longevity
———–
3 / 5
It’ll last and friens will love to play it…. but the flailing… dammit…

Stabs
———–
Yay!

Some interesting games there
At least there’s a proper fix instead of being very inconsistant
Each Game no long just one of itself
At least some of the game repeats have some fixes
Collectable Achievements?
Skill points shown
At least it also comes with a Wii motion plus

Boo!

Most of the games are just horrible
No fun training exercises
Why pay more for something that should of been resolved aeons ago?
People can flail and get away with it
Collectable Achievements?
Old skill points can’t be carried over
Comes with only one Wii Motion Plus…. Dammit…
There’s no free roam option to just visit the island and do as you please… well… almost as you please…
Table Tennis feels stupid… rather play it for real than in the game… and I never play near the darm table

Scores
V: 6 / 10
A: 7 / 10
G: 8 / 15
L: 3 / 5
S: 6 / 10

Total:
30 / 50 – Not your average okay game but… this is quite good!

A Stadium next maybe? (Include cricket for crying out loud!)

Writer’s notes: I’m sorry, but I’m down to the point where I’m starting to be out of cash and games to properly review. So I’m now down to designing independent type games. I wish I can do extended versions of my reviews but I really don’t see the need for them nower days… unless I’m being paid to do it and/or there is a greater readership for them then I’ll consider doing them again…
As of right now… I really need to redo Forza 2 because the amount of time between reviewing and playing… there were a few concepts which I didn’t get…
For the time being… I’m going to review the game as much as possible to make up for the lack of the extended version of the games review.

50GGS: Cross Fire

Cross Fire (SubaGames, 2009?)
_________________
Is Free always good?

—Visuals—

6 / 10

Graphically, there’s nothing wrong… though, nothing astounding either… just playing the safe card…

—-Audio—-

4 / 10

Sound effects have nothing wrong with it, nothing to really complain about… but there’s just nothing there to make it get stuck in your head like… what Portal has done

—Gameplay—

6 / 15

Being a full on MOFPS with strong similarities to Counter-Strike and no doubt…. it is far too similar to Counter-Strike. It has been popular for a reason. Feels like a near copy with a couple of noticeable differences.
There’s a lot of grind, for the grind-o-holics, good enough to help you to kill loads of time… if you are after it… though the main complaint has been the number of hacker and whingers within the game… But come on… nearly all the pro servers I go on…. there’s either one or the other that seems to ruin it for the others… With the hackers… they are damn near impossible to weed out… how about they learn to come up with a cheat detector of their own… Just a thought…

—Longevity—

2 / 5

With the hackers + grinding + latency issues… maybe… for me… I’ll go back to TF2

—Stab Time—

5 / 10

Woo!

Grind
For absolute FPS fanatics
Interesting Maps
At least they have a female character in the game
Bigger gun selection than Counter Strike
It is free (is that even a good thing?)

Boo!

Too many Hackers & Whingers
Grind-tastic
No Oceania servers…
Horrible Latency
nProtect is just rubbish
Just a CS clone
Lack of maps
No mapping community to keep the game going
Lag shots = instant miss + instant unknown death

—Summary—

V: 6 / 10
A: 4 / 10
G: 6 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 5 / 10

Total: 23 / 50

I’ll stick to Counter Strike Source with the Warcraft mod on it, that’s a fun grind!

Cross Fire (SubaGames, 2009?)
————————
An Online FPS that’s a mock of Counter Strike, what fun…

First to start off… I have no idea as to why I even bothered to check this game out… maybe for laughs mainly… but hell… now that I’ve play tested out this game, it comes down to the point of just reviewing it and then back stab it for being good, bad, or just plain old crap…

Cross Fire is a multiplayer online First Person Shooter with the intent of just copying Counter Strike in most ways but with different maps, graphics, visuals, characters, teams, characters (except for SAS… ha!) slightly more items but the biggest grind up the arse of any MOFPSes which ever existed… which I think… must be just two… though… still, couldn’t be bothered playing those… wait… just one now! The slate is now a blank slate and gone bye bye!

What makes this game different from that blank slate is the fact that it is just a pure clone of Counter-Strike with idiocracy level scaled to high, makes the noobs just piss off regular players…

The game modes within this game include Free-for-all, Team Death Match, Elimination, Sabotage, Detonation (or whatever the hell it is) and ghost mode. All of these game modes are self explanatory with the exception of ghost mode where the evil team are invisible and can only knife whilst the other team goes out and goes all guns blazing… until they run outta ammo. Also, something to the mention of blowing something up.

Initial jumping in, everything seems fine and dandy until I noticed a lag or above normal latency, but it seems okay so powering on, going through the tutorial system… I must say… it isn’t professional FPS friendly and I was instantly lost within the first section until I realised what was going on… then comes bonus credits to purchase a weapon… If I had of known, I wouldn’t have actually bothered to purchase a gun… but being lost… I purchased one… but it was still good…

If I had of been told that you would of initially started off with the standard M4, sniper rifle plus a few grenades to boot… I wouldn’t of actually bought any guns… but hell… at least there was a decent amount of guns.

This game with a free-to-play MOFPS, this has a really frustrating grinding system to get people to pay of get some stuff and keep things exclusive to ranks or whatnot to maybe… get some to people to actually pay to play things with a slight advantage, but given that it is free… I wonder if it was actually worth my time play this game at all… but never-the-less… all this pondering doesn’t actually get to the nitty-gritty of how the game is actually like, so might as well get to the game now…

Starting off with a flying start, I started off gun blazing and just did whatever like an absolute idiot without the need to care about the surroundings by attacking anything that I saw, including friendlies since this doesn’t actually tell me anything. Thinking that it was a game that was heavily populated by novices… but it was just the server itself, remember to move to another server if you think that a lot of people are complete novices as a side note.

The graphics within the game is okay for a free MOFPS, clipping being absolutely horrible and there is the constant problem of running into team mates, causing a great deal of grief more times than not. Death animation just a static bugger and does the same thing over and over, making Counter Strike the option all round with the occasional death-defying (quite literally) impossible death poses ever, creating comical situations at the best of times. With one single death pose, gets boring and the respawn times… meh… though, they have tackled the issue about spawn campers by giving them invincibility for a small amount of time.

This game being new and all, have come across two major annoying groups… Hackers and Whingers… I could of chosen the word noobs, but there have been some quiet and honourable novices around, so whingers it is…

nProtect is attached to this game and “was” suppose to get rid of the hackers… but it just doesn’t stop them… so… question… why doesn’t it stop the hackers from ruining the game? Maybe another system that seems more worthy and a bit more cost effective… Use that instead… geez…
Whingers… the same level of idiocracy as the hackers and can just as be destructive due to the tendency to spam false accusations about players is more annoying than say the smell of crap… you know it is there and maybe it is more preferable than the whingers. Anyone disagree with that?

Some of the audio within the game, I can’t disagree with, but it isn’t that good either… but meh…

The grinding within the game does try to keep players in, but I’m into the casual and intense stand-offs or land stands, so it is either Counter-Strike of Team Fortress 2 which does perform better… plus Team Fortress 2 is having the updates coming out.

—Summary—

V: 6 / 10
A: 4 / 10
G: 6 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 5 / 10

VAGLS: 23 / 50
46%

So, if you live the grind… Then go for this game… I’m just going to go at this game for a little while more until I can’t stomach the game…

50GGS: Forza 2

Forza 2 Motorsport (Turn 10, 2007)
_________________

—Visuals—

8 / 10

This game was made to be as perfect as possible is terms of everything, even the graphics… and to be honest, I couldn’t find anything wrong… but it does lack weather conditions… pity that the cycle of could not be shown in this game…

—-Audio—-

5 / 10

Nothing wrong in terms of the sound, some recognisable music and but I didn’t notice any thing nice to calm the nerves when racing… This is a let down…

—Gameplay—

7 / 15

This game does lack the two player ability on the one machine, though… it takes just the one machine to be able to run a single player since it was originally engineered to test everything that the Xbox 360 has to offer… having it done to early and the PS3 only being introduced… it does under value the Xbox 360 a bit…
In terms of features, I was actually wrong… to an extent…
This does have features to boot, but it does draw the line and can not go further due to the brick wall at the end of the end and all those attempting to try and break it will end up really sore… this game just runs to the brick wall and just stops as it is about to stop dead flat at it…
This game features Exhibition mode, Time Trials (no surprise), Free Run (and again), Career Mode (and again) and online mode (and what did I say?). Well… everything an online racer should be having… like I said… no surprise there…
There is always the optional wheel you can attempt to attach to this game… but I found it far more difficult to play… partially because it is crazy to find a place to put it… pity… anyways… it is just me so I can’t fully provide a 100% review on this one… But it does work…

—Longevity—

2 / 5

I’m sorry… but there’s just a lot of unlockables… and if you have many other games just lying around, you’ll pass this game up and since it can’t be played with friends on the same system… it loses it fun factor with a friend on friend approach.

—Stab Time—

3 / 10

Woo!

Now with real damage
Ability to choose your own improvements on cars
Some hard race tracks available
Allows players to choose their own set-ups

Boo!

Lack of 2 player mode on just a single system
Being too powerful, not giving more
Dumb AIs
Single Track minded AIs following a string
Emphasis to hurt anyone who breaks rules
Gentle nudge or Heavy quick Crash = same time penalty
Lack of tutorial about the class system…
Perfectionism on all fronts
Ai players can’t make mistakes
Lack of weather
No night races…
Too smart of its own good
Nothing outside the realm of norm
No customisable race courses

—Summary—

V: 8 / 10
A: 5 / 10
G: 7 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 3 / 10

Total: 25 / 50

Sounds good… on paper… but perfection doesn’t sell itself no matter the situation

Long Version Coming Soon

Gamer Grunt:Time to be Proven Wrong

Ages back, I’ve made claims about some games being under-rated….

It is about time I were to back up that statement as I’m going to experience the full grunt of what is suppose to be a good experience to gaming…

So get ready to see how my statements stack up to my claims… but I have a feeling that there’s an area which may suffer heavily… but that’s just my prediction.

Get ready to see me flounder!

If you claim something, provide the proof!

50GGS: Castle Crashers

Castle Crashers (The Behemoth, 2008)
_________________
Why the hell did I play this game?

—Visuals—

8 / 10

For a flash game made for the Xbox 360, there were no noticeable faults within the realm of graphics. Before someone complains about gameplay issues in graphics…. that’s the wrong sections. There’s a problem with someone picking the colour of the ally NPCs and getting mixed up along with who’s who… That’s a graphical issue due to the fact that there’s no indicators to highlight that issue.

—-Audio—-

3 / 10

Sorry… but there’s only so long some can go for a loo break and get the others to suffer the silly 10 minute loop or whatever it is and not feel the effects… but at least the sound effects aren’t in the wrong spots.

—Gameplay—

8 / 15

Okay… I have to admit this… I was actually drunk when playing this game… and when I say drunk… I mean… 100% smashed off my face to be fair. Don’t recommend people to do the same unless they consider playing this game and wanna act silly. Now that I’ve issue the warning and pre-text to playing this game, time to get into the nitty gritty.
If you are planning playing by yourself… you either are looking for a 20h ragefest or have completely no life whatsoever… that’s not even being harsh… the fact that I had to be completely smashed with my friends whilst playing this game says something and it isn’t good…. to be fair… our game collection of games on the day wasn’t something to be proud of… so Castle Crashers was something to keep all 4 or 3 players occupied whilst being a bit tipsy (term used a bit lightly). So, play with friends for max fun.
This game may of had a tutorial system, something which is something on my standards as very important… didn’t bother using that because of one thing… that game wasn’t even on my system to begin with, so he told us what each button did and beats the button mashing by the technicality of just 1 point… slight intellectual button mashing. The rating system in terms of button mashing, I’ll go another day.
This game plays like a regular beat-em up platformer where you just take your character of whatever they are and just roam and kick some arse with a twist… all the Newground favourites are there to make their presence known… though… where’s Spamtaro and that crazy sound?
There are issues with the hit detection, hit ranges, some sprinting issues in terms of appearance and row hitting detection. This becomes gravely annoying when you believe that you are on the same row or close enough to make contact with a monster, but that goes way off the mark to the point that laundry slashing with imaginary swords would be a slight and fair comparison.

—Longevity—

2 / 5

Once completed, who’d be bothered? Damn you achievements!

—Stab Time—

6 / 10

Woo!

Newgrounds stuff!
Clean and crisp
Casual gaming
Fair game when a bit tipsy with friends
Button Mashing?
This game was never meant to be serious
Good to beat friends over the head with
Comical stuff

Boo!

No spamtaro time
Row hitting detection
Tutorial System
Sound becomes hella annoying
Button Mashing?
Needs better sound tracks
Some annoying sections in games

—Summary—

V: 8 / 10
A: 3 / 10
G: 8 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 6 / 10

Total: 27 / 50

Game beaten when drunk? This game is drunken gaming friendly!

Castle Crashers (The Behemoth, 2008)
_________________
Why the hell did I play this game?

It is about time that some casual games are to be covered once in a while… though doing it with mates when it was an exclusive 24h gaming binge with game titles available only to be shamed upon by all the pro gamers which makes us fairly low of the low in terms of being called gamers… but nevertheless, Castle Crasher’s wrecking time…

Castle Crashers is a beatem-up style RPG platformer players just take control of a character of whatever they are with the intent of clearing the world of the evils which surround the land… with the main issue of the invasions of the safe lands by really weird creatures from Newgrounds… though… where’s Spamtaro and that crazy sound? Spamtaro is quite popular and makes no appearance whatsoever… though the face mash is there… If no one knows who Spamtaro is… Newgrounds!

This game allows for up to 4 players with a single player option available… though why would you? there’s just too much work… no bots available to help clear some areas or tag along and follow you in case there’s trouble… better with as much as you can or just pay some bum to help you play or get your mother or siblings to help along… they should enjoy that sorta thing since it is all about mocking and making fun of everything…

The tutorial system is shoddy as hell and you end up just learning the ways of the game by simply… playing the game…. though all the combos… you’ll need a game guide in case… though as you level up, attacks becomes available to the player and allows the plotting of stat improvements from strength, magic, defence and agility/range. When playing this game, each play decided to specialise in a specific stat and guess who pulled up as the saviour? The guy with the rampart defence… though… it could of been the character or the player who was playing it at the time… me … or both…

During the playing of the game, there we lots of main issues with the game… but mainly the row hit detections and it being very very precise as hell… really miss the old days of a bigger row hit detection, though… it could of been to stop row spamming by ranged units… O well… then there’s the rage players who ends up going all out stupid with their button mashing or randomness of button pushing… same thing… though, the disturbing part of one of those players being present there is due to the main fact that… all the people there should know well enough not to act like complete morons… Though… it is suppose to be a fun game… so who cares…

The game does allow for back tracking and get items, unlockable and certain things, though at least it doesn’t suffer from Phantom Hourglass syndrome of the need to always recomplete levels already accessed and then scripted to certain time limits… great way to tick off players… But at least it isn’t very cruel to players, though with a limit of the number of potions within the game does because a really big issue, except for those who decide to become tanks.

So is this game skew towards tanks? well… actually, no… this game does stop some people from being a stat purist as some areas are very important in certain part of the games, though, strength specialists due have a habit of dying a lot. But at least some areas are balanced in terms of what stats are being used, so sometimes, being a specialist will become a very major burden in certain areas.

Graphically, there are no clear faults with the game, but the row issue is very major, though, it has nothing to do with the graphics. So it is in the clear. The music does get very annoying but when you’re a bit wasted, what chance would you care?

On the whole, do actually give the game a go. Play it long term, make sure that you are with friends and might want to try it with some drinks on the side… Those a bit younger, don’t drink alcohol and just play with friends.

—Summary—

V: 8 / 10
A: 3 / 10
G: 8 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 6 / 10

Total: 27 / 50

I’m sorry, but the need to prove your e-Penis is bigger than mine because they actually don’t mean a damn thing in real life… go at it… otherwise, play this game as a party game since it beats Street Fighter IV.

50GGS: Mario Kart Wii

Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo, 2008)
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More Mario for the Mario masses… why???

—Visuals—

8 / 10

A few minor clipping problems… like always with a lot of games these days. Updated models, no visual chugging, no visual problems, no real visual weakness. Having said that, there’s no real obvious attempt at being visually daring… Pity… But at least the karts and bikes do look the part

—-Audio—-

6 / 10

I have a really strong sense of a lot of the sounds within the game is actually recycled, music have a bit from left, right and centre… Nothing is really borderline boring, but some things are enjoyable to a point, but heck… There aren’t any bad elements to be found

—Gameplay—

5 / 15

Now, for the least boring part for me
When you become uber pro in this game, Mario Kart Syndrome does come into effect… though… have said that… several attempts have been made to fix that problem up… with major complications into that mix… Most of the time, the leader’s worst nightmare comes too frequently and chances are, once knocked, twice, triple, multi swiped and then bell curve syndrome kicks into effect with no letting up. Getting attacked left, right and centre with out giving proper breathing space. In an attempt to balance out the game, there’s just far too many karts, item boxes… just over the top…

Before I forget, I better start from the top about the game. From the olden style and part titles, there was a max 8 on a circuit with items in item boxes appearing from time to time, but within the item cluster section.
Track and Kart selection idea borrowed from DS by having tracks from previous games into the mix with new and original tracks; karts are selectable with their own attributes with unlockable ones to the mix along with bikes to add in extra punch.
Previous stuff from previous games such as Time Trials, Multiplayer Balloon burst, multiplayer race and ghost racing, makes their return, but not Missions from the DS version. Both a good and bad thing. Unlocking is back within the game, but along with the complaint about too many things happening making it when Burnout Paradise Syndrome comes into play… Coming first, then knocked down into bad positions.

The Wiil is a new playing style but the precision needed when doing really tight cornering, it becomes too much of a double edged sword… but the worst part is the lack of item which causes too much grief… Which can cause players to not actually be bothered using to the Will and use the nunchuk or olden style remotes. If only the old N64 controllers could be plugged into the Wii-mote, maybe the experience would be better 10 fold… just an opinion…

—Longevity—

2 / 5

When unlocking stuff doesn’t become a third job… that’s when people enjoy the games more because the whole point of casual gaming is to casually play it and come back to it when bored… Something which Nintendo needs to figure out with a majority of their titles… Get a freakin hint!

—Stab Time—

4 / 10

Woo!

Karts + Bikes, that’s new!
Grassroot Mario Karting
Simple in concept
Setting rules to excessive + lots of friends = grown men crying
Not Wiil exclusive control option
Can learn a lot about a circuit with ghosts to improve time (and find cheaters)

Boo!

Missing key syndrome…
Achievements syndrome
Too many Burnout Paradise moments
More than 8 players at a time over the top
Wiil very annoying
Downloading Ghosts seems to be very confusing…
Rainbow Road one of the hardest tracks I’ve ever had to play
Pity that 4+ players need to go through the net….
No LAN option
Not as easy as it would appear or seem
Testing limits is fine; just don’t annoy the player excessively
Unlocking stuff doesn’t prove the player’s true skill

—Summary—

V: 8 / 10
A: 6 / 10
G: 5 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 4 / 10

Total: 25 / 50
50%

It isn’t about the hype of it… Just the need to have too many achievable

Mario Kart Wii (Nintendo, 2008)
—————-
Mario Kart Syndrome anyone?

In an attempt to get rid itself of the Mario Kart syndrome, the problem is attacked head out with a flood of possible cures, only to re-direct themselves towards Burnout Paradise syndrome less the map reading skills needed… though having mentioned that…

Mario Kart Wii, is all about racing in go-karts with the addition of motorbikes in the mix, less the need to fine tune them, cause horrific accident by clogging up the wheels… Though, you do get to choose from a small range of possible vehicles and more can be obtain with the annoying unlockables… with the chance of losing all data if you lose your Wii… pity that… un-doing all the time spent… though Ghost data could be saved by other people… which might count for something.

In case you are wondering, Ghosts hasn’t got anything to do with the Boos or King Boo, but to do with Time Trials. Also coming with this game are the racing with your friends options, balloon bursting with friends or yourself and racing against other people via the interweb against people who you may not know or people you may but lack the response of one. From time to time there are competitions, but I don’t know anything much about it… but it is just worth mentioning and that’s it…

The Wii version is certainly a few steps up from the DS and GC versions, but with a few added kicks within the game such as fine tuning rules in each race if you are playing with friends… that’s about it… But aside from the obvious difference of controller differences, the Wii version does have the Wiil. Sounds great…. in theory, though there are two obvious things… 1, you can choose not to have a Wiil by using just the Wii-mote and save a bit of cash, but people will complain about losing the experience… Where’s the experience if it doesn’t reward players for being daring and has a slight control lag when trying to do manual drift… 2, Gamecube controllers can be used instead of the harsh Wii-mote or Wiil system, though, I prefer the nunchuck, though the Wiil plus Wii-mote doesn’t allow the players to hold items as a shield…

A number of features do return, such as many popular characters from previous games along with the new ones and some unheard ones if no one really follows the whole Super Mario Brothers series. Along with the character lineups, comes the track line ups with a whole bunch of new ones along with the return of some old favourites, but are listed within different cups. If you think that you can master them all easy, think again! Though, some of the better circuits from previous games haven’t made the cut, so it is pretty disappointing. As some die hard Mario Kart fans will know, the final track, Rainbow Road has always been one of the hardest tracks… this one… imagine the first version multiplied with elements from all the other versions… It will take more than 10 runs around the track to know it “a bit”, and yeah, it is that hard. In case no one really knows about the first Rainbow Road, try balancing a Wii-mote for about 10 minutes without it falling off your finger.

Main complaint within the game is not due to the lack of holding of items from the Wiil, but the Burnout Paradise effect within the game… coming first with a minor gap of about 4 seconds and then out of nowhere, comes a party of 3-4 and then swarm up against you from behind, allowing the next group of 3-4 to swarm you again until you hit the last pack of racers which do pretty much, nothing… mainly just to make the numbers.

I’ve had the luxury of playing this game with friends huddled around the box with a dude with a massive e-penis for being a hardcore unlocker and being buggerloads of stuff… though I couldn’t be bothered unlocking stuff from my own game… thinking that it was a decent rating in terms of skill, I did a complete U-turn and then another u-turn to prove the fact that he was decent in terms of competition, but was no where near in terms of skill… there goes the fear factor… That needs to be fixed, because the poor guy who never picked up the game before or even seen the lights of Mario Kart after the N64, was brutally hammered… Never once took the lead… there goes the curve for being everyone friendly….

Graphically, there are no physical faults, yet the term recycled just can’t be taken away from this game as many parts of the has been recycled beyond the point of being visible that it has been royally yanked from many other games which have the characters involved… though having said that… thank goodness it won’t be on the track of Super Smash Brothers Karting so Kirby won’t start eating everything up with one fat gulp. Same thing with the Sounds in the game… though having said that… there are some original stuff in there… but with my cynicism… that’s going to be recycled somewhere… it would be very odd if someone did decide to put the music on reverse if and when someone’s doing the track in the wrong direction…

The day I’m bothered to unlock everything in every game which has excessive number of achievable is the day I decide to torture people with making games which have absolutely no achievable whatsoever for the Xbox 360… or an appealingly Nintendo title…

—Summary—

V: 8 / 10
A: 6 / 10
G: 5 / 15
L: 2 / 5
S: 4 / 10

Total: 25 / 50
50%

It isn’t just Mario Kart Syndrome. It is the Burnout Paradise wrapped into a Nintendo awkward package, less the map reading.

Side Note: Monday’s gamer grunt was unintentionally called off due to the lack of possible things to talk about due to the simple fact that I have just about covered as much material as possible with problem areas… until new problems arise… Only the 50 Gamer Grunt Stabs will remain standing until I run out of cash…

50GGS: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

Dead or Alive Extreme 2 (Team Ninja, 2006)
——————–
What’s so Xtreme bout this game?!?

Visuals

Nice scenery…. away from the obvious… not really much of a clipping issue… but why would there be? There’s honestly nothing to clip against… Models are good

4 / 10

Audio

It is okay for about… O… I don’t know… 3 minutes before you get sick of it… Maybe you should try playing the volleyball game and then record just the sounds. You’ll picture a different thing altogether

2 / 10

Gameplay

Well, it is a whole bunch of mini-games altogether and it is all string with a sub-plot… what it is… it absolutely bored me to tears, trying to earn your keep in Game Points, it takes ages, unlocking everything takes too long and it isn’t even a well thought out game… Most of the time, I didn’t understand anything and have completely no idea whatever and I’m pretty crap at volleyball, so it doesn’t really help.
Knowing about the whole plot of the Dead or Alive series doesn’t even help either. It is mainly for the fanboys of the entire series and if you are really into the entire thing about girls of Dead or Alive, which alone, it pretty a sad deal to remember, if you are that obsessed and sure, I may of lasted two days, but hell… that was less than an hour of gameplay, each day…
This game would rather be for those who have no life and live on playing mini-games which ends up to a whole bunch of nothingness… Whatever you do, don’t get this game! You’ve been warned!

0 / 15

Longevity

I don’t think so!

0 / 5

Stabs

Yay!

Erm… DoA girls?

Boooo!

Just so many I can list…
Boob physics, Far too over-the-top
Game is too complex… (I didn’t understand anything at all!)
Elitist!
Far too perverted and horrible to be called a game
Is it even considered to be a game at all?
Worst storyline ever!
A pre-mature ejaculator would last longer than having to play this game
Not even fun at all to list everything…

-2 / 10

—Summary—

V: 4 / 10
A: 2 / 10
G: 0 / 15
L: 0 / 5
S: -2 / 10

Total: 4 / 50
8%

A complete waste of my time… I want my 2 hours back + GST! At least I never bought that thing

Dead or Alive Extreme 2 (Team Ninja, 2006)
—————-
This won’t last long, I swear

No reason for me to bring here and there’s no reason for me to even go on about this game for an extended amount of time as this game is so bad, it might just make Superman 64 look quite okay… Though, if you were to be trapped in a room and forced to play it… you might as well commit suicide by snapping the DVD in half and slitting your wrist, but other than the dire warning of steering you clear from the game… I’ll cover the basics of this so called title.

You are arrive on an island called Zack Island and are suppose to be on a holiday ( if I knew it right, then why do I really hate this holiday?) as one of the Dead or Alive girls… and then befriend one that’s also happen to be on the island… but why is it only just the DoA girls? O wait… this is suppose to be for guys only… there goes your partner also playing this game… O wait… you can’t… this is single play for the lonely desperate dudes who can’t chat up girls…. wait… I can’t do either yet I have more fun watching paint dry…

In order to befriend those girls, you do things…. like playing games… and doing a lot of stupid stuff and buy so many things buy gambling…. I hope that this isn’t sponsored by gambling companies because this is honestly… and I’m not kidding about this… but most of the time, you’ll just be gambling beyond anything of all things in which you actually do and spend most of your time doing since it was that bad.

They do Beach Volleyball, tug of war, jet-skiing and gambling games and more… but I couldn’t be bothered finding out any more than that since I hated this game at all. I’m just going to move away from this game as fast as I can since I hated playing this game, full-stop!

Visually, it is okay, with minor clipping problem, which has not been fixed since Dead or Alive 4. Someone must be trying to over compensate because certain features was too distracting to even notice anything else.

Audio wise… jeez…. why do I even bother… Music becomes annoying, voices are in English… erk… let’s just say it was okay in a look like patch up non lip synching way, but do a blind volleyball test… let’s see how long you’d actually last listening to that sorta crap…

There is just so many things wrong with the game that I wouldn’t even bother calling this one as a game is suppose to be fun and enjoyable… Good thing I don’t own this game or even came close to buying it and just rented it out very cheaply. Even then, I wouldn’t suggest anyone to play this game unless they have a death wish in the mortal realms of stupidity.

—Summary—

V: 4 / 10
A: 2 / 10
G: 0 / 15
L: 0 / 5
S: -2 / 10

VAGLS: 4 / 50
8%

Luckily, no more of this non-sense will come out… Cheers to that!

Gamer Grunt: Xintendox 360 FTW

In an attempt to steal Nintendo’s new found popularity with the “General” population, I did have the belief that both the 360 and PS3 was in the market of going Wii-crazy.

I was right to suspect some foul play was about to arise and someone going middle child on everything because they felt to be the middle child of it all. Any guesses as to who that may be?

The Wii-mote, in its core is very simple in design and its simplicity in its structure and if you want to know more about the Wii-mote, go to Wikipedia and read off that. Though, in all honestly, PS3 has done something very similar with it, with the main problem being… the function being under-utilised to even become a serious threat to Nintendo.

In being the ruler of the universe by becoming really powerful and mass slave over all that ever exist in the comfortable land of the gamers, it starts underperforming, slouches on the couch, bludges around a bit and claiming that it knows all that is known in the world, people has come to be bored of all talk and no substance, ditching the probable Wii-killer, but has… instead, lead the little leaguers market of Wii-dom to become the child which many have come to know and love by all…

Xbox 360, being the middle child and all, wishes for attention by copying instead of fending on its own and bare its own market by being something which others haven’t been… and the Achievements system now being copied by PS3 (not available to all games…. suckers!) and to few Wii titles.

I do realise that the Xbox is actually the last system to of entered the console race, but in defence of calling it the middle child, there are two main facts…
1) Sega did work with MS on the Dreamcast project and it did leave the door open for them to pick up the scraps of Sega’s former glory and do something with it
2) Microsoft’s Operating System has been available to play lots of games before Sony came into play with the Playstation, which almost does mean that Sony is in fact the youngest of them all…

It is odd how the middle child in the race does copy ideas but left and right and coming first in lots of races… but where exactly does it sit when it comes to the 8th generation of consoles do actually come into play?

No doubt Sony will go in the direction of where technology is leading towards and being quite power hungry. As a suggestion for them (chances are they won’t get this), stay on that path as it would be beneficial in the long run as I will explain later)
Nintendo will follow in the success of the Wii by adding on the Wii-mote functionality and adding power plus fun rating into the mix… whilst keeping costs low and making some profit on its console… and I don’t care if it actually does make loads of money for not going all out as if it does slap the back of your head just to grab your attention like an attractive opposite sex, then congrats to them and whingers can take a quiet pill and STFU.
Xbox 360 can go both ways with them having the Wii-mote like device almost ready for the market… big question of the games and the amount of time left before the next generation of systems does actually come onto the market… The balance of time, game titles, functionalities, cost, etc, all comes into play for its venture into copying the Wii-mote.

In all honestly, I worry about the direction in which Xbox 360 is going as not very many good things come out of being the copy cat in the race and hurting its nearest rival to gain their position. Even though, PS3 did shoot themselves in the foot for being far too cumbersome to become useful, the ability to up the dosage in peripherals and having a garage full of gadgets which one day may be useless, does beg the question of the direction Xbox is going to head into…

Middle child syndrome can be a massively overhyped exclusive game. This does go in all directions of 360 from here on out, just not in the same spot.

Do something good, you’ll be blasted for it sooner or later. Do something bad, you might get away with it. Proves that the rules to life are usually flawed

50GGS: Super Smash Brothers Brawl

Super Smash Bro Brawl (Nintendo, 2008)
_________________

—Visuals—

7 / 10

Nice and crisp with just minor questions in some characters. Can hardly see some of the things or items on screen. Sometimes hard to make out what exactly the heck is going on screen due to the number of players moving so close to each other.

—-Audio—-

5 / 10

A lot of sounds recycled from the old Super Smash Brothers and Melee, with a couple of new additional sounds for the game. Some of the music can get irritating if left on for too long. But at least it works…

—Gameplay—

7 / 15

With snake being one of the most hyped up characters to be included in the game, they really made a bad name for the character by making some of his attacks weird, slow, but powerful. Buttons are just like how old players are used to with the exception of the final attack, which requires a certain and pushing a single button to perform an outrageous, which are actually unique to all character. The buttons are friendly to both new and old players, but some of the characters attacks have been changed since the last version. There’s even a balancing issue with some characters, but then comes down to the people who play it… Great down side is the issue of the randomers or move-tappers (using the same move over and over and over, not bothering to use other moves) becomes a really great annoyance more than anything.
When’s there’s a bloody party on… I don’t want to be spending over 30 hours unlocking everything or re-unlocking everything as if players are forced to do anything… getting whacked over the head by a baseball bat would be far more entertaining than going down the same tunnel full of cow manure, then to realise that it is also filled with poisonous creatures and then told to rescue a bottle of water on the other side. Where’s the logic in the torture session just to have a bit of fun?!?
On really big stages, on a small screen… I’d have more fun swatting flies than watching pixels swatting each other… Not everyone owns really big 40 inch TVs… So what chance does uni people with small TVs playing on silly sized TVs can see small pixels prancing more than kids on sugar rushes?
But at least there are mini-games right? Well… I couldn’t be really bothered….

—Longevity—

3 / 5

The Challenges are just fun and sometimes, they are just plain out crazy. At other times… down right annoying… Unlockers and achievers would love this game to bits. But it isn’t to me. Competitions would be a big draw point here

—Stab Time—

3 / 10

Woo!

Snake? … Snake…. SNAKE!
Marth Returns!
Final Attacks are just funny
There’s actually a map editor!
Near to same formula from Melee in Brawl
Fun multiplayer game!
Some of the stages are original and really funny
Tetris music is there!
Return of some good ole’ we miss and love
Mortar and Final Attack FTW!
Pick-up and play
Newcomer friendly!
Co-op in some missions possible

Boo!

Snake is just crazy to use and is quite slow
Jigglypuff’s one hit KO is no longer as effective and twice as hard to use
Who the heck really uses Pokemon Trainer anyways?
There are just some useless characters
No help from instruction manual about some of the tools
Using the Wiimote isn’t as good as Gamecube controllers, which I don’t own…
Why is the game designed for Wii if the buttons on the Wiimote is useless?
The taunt button is suppose to be Z not the D-pad
Some of the maps are just plain old nuts
No sense in where some trophies should be located in the awards cabinet
So many possible achievements
Finding some characters not that easy
Can’t change soundtracks when designing your own map
Give us the cheat to unlock everything so everyone can at least have fun…
Definition of fun does not include the word… “torture”
Can’t be bothered unlocking everything…
Not too bothered with the mini-games…
Doesn’t really reward players for being really funny
Life made really hard…
Sonic + Final Smash = Overkill…

—Summary—

V: 7 / 10
A: 5 / 10
G: 7 / 15
L: 3 / 5
S: 3 / 10

Total: 25 / 50

During the trip in the tunnel, there’s a fast moving set of lights…

Super Smash Brothers Brawl (Nintendo, 2008)
——————
High Expectations, but is it a record smasher?

Beyond all let down of all let downs… I’m afraid it is a major let down for all proportions…

Quite simply put, a lot of the characters are fairly well balanced and majority of the time, it is fun to play… but the kicker for me… well several major reason for me due to my ability to complain beyond the normal bound of man besides heading into court for the lack of satisfaction gained from this game…

This game just has far too much to do… achievements, unlocking, the amount of hours spent on the game to get just enough and there are some stages which I would of enjoyed, if I had not been the fact that a key was needed to unlocking the floor to the magical goodness of characters and stages…

Sure Melee was fun and quite enjoyable but since when does spending hours on hours, forced playing with characters you least likely to enjoy and doing things so repetitiously, that it would be enjoyable… unlike some other activity on the top of my head which would be far more enjoyable and far less painful unless you have really really bad taste of music… I’m not talking about interpersonal stuff ya pervs…

Along with those repetitive bores known as achievement mining, you can’t even save the data in the event you are going to a friend’s place and play the data file there… I’m not dragging my system through the pouring water… that’s known as a bloody storm just for other to enjoy my misery of breaking into the console and repairing rain damage… plainly obtuse in the way to data transfers… that’s why the Xbox 360 has those Memory Units… Easy transfers!

But noo… back Nintendo! I don’t have 24 hours straight to unlock things here along with the fact that I have no interest in staying too long on a game unless I find the game that’s what I would like to call “entertaining” which SSBB apparently is not…

Besides the unfun factor displayed within the game, I have brought this game out of my gaming cave and brought it into the light of other people… yet… I’ve regretted doing that, not being the game is now so badly damaged that it is useless, but the fact that I was bored outta my skull playing it for long stints… Hell… I spend more time playing Civilization IV longer in streaks than with SSBB, plainly because I always lose track of time with that game…

Along with that multiplayer bit… the idiots I was playing with kept either using one stupid attack to pin me down, trying to gang up on me or being complete loonies… (thank goodness I don’t have kids…), but either way… I just could not fully enjoy myself playing this game. Luckily… I CBF I didn’t encounter any button mashers, otherwise I would of been to the point of breaking that game in half, just to satisfy myself a lot more…

Visually, this game, does play its part and look as updated as possible with the nicer looking models with the constant problem with many 3D games having clipping problems and so on… One day, this problem will be fixed, but heck, if it is invisible instead of being visible within the game, then marks would of been award… but heck… time to move on…
The main complaint which I have of all the complaints within the game is the brilliant idea of having really really big stages. Who in their idiotic mind creates really large stages on a console which is known for being graphically challenged? On my 17″ TV (yes, that small as I’m not being paid to do this…) when two characters are too far from each other and you can see the entire stage, and there are cursors on the character’s head pointing out who’s who, the actual visibility on the screen is so small, that spotting a dead pixel would be far more exciting than dealing with characters smaller than that on the screen…

Onto the audio now… this game has so many recycled sounds, you can rearrange them all from end to end, across the equator of the earth and still have room to spare… but at least there are some new stuff in the game… well… I did say some… but some of the music can get very repetitious and become more annoying than entertaining… maybe they should of hired Moby… at least Mircosoft did think right about something being more enjoyable than an ear bleeder on this part… unlike what Nintendo, but heck… the system is not too powerful, but powerful enough to have sound going to the controller and enjoying the experience a bit…

Gameplay, I’m afraid it is just plainly disappointing and a half and I don’t see myself going about for long stint and I can not approve this game to have a “Classic” badge on it for it to become a “Must Get!” title.

—Summary—

V: 7 / 10
A: 5 / 10
G: 7 / 15
L: 3 / 5
S: 3 / 10

VAGLS: 25 / 50

That’s why I really really hate hype and over-inflated marks on games… they always disappoint faster than the rate in which it was sold…
I know it technically passed… but the highest rated game I’ve rated so far is a 70% for “Left 4 Dead”.